Wisdom for Thought

I Have Moved

2010-10-31T21:21:00.000-06:00

I am now writing here:

http://www.sirjacksonpeaks.com

I hope most of you will make the move with me. I grew frustrated writing here and resorted to writing only in private with my journal. I'm now going to resume my public writing at the new site. Thanks to all. Hope everyone is well.

Words are Wisdom.

SJP

Barren Mind

2010-08-03T22:48:00.001-06:00

I've been in such a lull of creativity lately. It has, in all honesty, been frustrating at times. I'm starting to feel like I'm out of my slump, though. I'm hoping to resume work on my novel in the very near future... looking for a last bit of inspiration. I always feel guilty when I am absent from this writing space.

In other news, I'm now engaged to the love of my life. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world... I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.

Over the last several months I have awoke to slowly discover just who I am. It's a strange feeling--learning who you are.

I'm starting to discover what brings me happiness in life. A word of advice, friends [true friends that have been there since your genesis & new friends that deserved to be there all along] are much more important than anyone can ever tell you.I am honored to have the friends I do... and even more so to be one to others.

Words are Wisdom.

Random Realization #∞

2010-08-03T21:36:00.002-06:00

This band [Manchester Orchestra] has seen me through some of the worst times, and the best.

15 Weeks: A Post Op Progression

2010-03-23T11:17:00.002-06:00

It has been far too long since I last updated--apologies. Life has been fairly busy, as has the recovery from my surgery back in December. It is, in all honesty, hard to believe that this week marks fifteen weeks of post-op recovery. Sometimes it feels just like yesterday that I was stuck in bed, leg strapped in a machine, anxiously waiting to be able to walk again--and to do so without crutches.

Physical Therapy is tough work, as it should be. It's nearly impossible to push myself as hard when I'm doing PT workouts on my own. There is something specially motivating with having someone stand by and challenge me through my workouts. There is nothing more satisfying than pushing myself to the point that my body says it's time to give up, and then pushing on a little further just to show myself I can. Victory.

I enjoy PT days.

I have progressed well, considering everything that I went through with surgery. My surgeon is extremely pleased with my progress, and feels encouraged by my overall recovery. Sure, I have had a few setbacks along the way. However, nothing has prevented me from maintaining my forward progress. The pain comes and goes. The soreness lingers. But, progress is always progress--no matter how slow it may be.

My entire team that has been working with me through this surgery and recovery has been more than perfect. If I had to start this process over again, I would do so with the exact same team. I feel as though we have all learned from one another during these 15 weeks. I know they have taught me a great deal about myself--I can only hope I have done the same for them.

Feel to live.

- SJP

The Running of LeRoy Baker: The Evidence

2010-01-09T00:35:00.004-07:00

Juniper Grove

Peaks County, Colorado

November 21

10:00am

The body of Tom Short was found by a group of children just off of Main Street in Juniper Grove, shortly after 10:00am. He was face down in the narrow alley between Carla's Cafe and the Rutledge Family Bakery; covered in snow, his boots were the only visible clue to his presence. Due to the storm, it took Sheriff Maxwell longer than the usual twenty minutes to drive up from Rockpoint and secure the scene, allowing ample time for the rumors to begin to swirl. Meanwhile, the children that had originally discovered a dead Tom Short, had walked all around the body, destroying evidence--as he was the only mysterious death in town for at least ten years. The small gathering of the breakfast crowd from the cafe and bakery didn't help the situation, either. Coffee and baked goods in hand, the crowd started to spread conspiracy rumors, and even speculation about a killer at large. No one was certain as to how long Tom had been dead, or by what means, but according to one of the kids he was like a block of ice.

"I bet he owed money to some of the Natives from the casino," said an old lady while stuffing her face with a donut.

"Yeah, I heard he was in debt. I reckon he borrowed too much and they came a callin' for a payment," agreed another.

"Always was asking for spare cash whenever I saw him." Said an older gentleman.

"Oh hush!" Shouted Mrs. Thacker, the retired librarian. "Everyone knows he used to have a drug problem. I bet he got caught up in it again and just took too much."

"Well that doesn't explain the blood, Mrs. Thacker," said a small voice from behind the crowd. Twelve year old Johnny Davis had never been known to be shy about his opinions.

"What blood?" Asked Mrs. Thacker. "Johnny Davis, don't you be telling lies. No one has said anything about blood on poor ol' Tom here."

"But Mrs. Thacker, when I wiped the snow off the top of his head it was colored with blood. The back of his head had a lot of blood and stuff on it too."

With that, the crowd of gawkers moved in closer for a better look at the frozen body of the apparent debt ridden, drug taking, town mooching, dead, Tom Short.

"Now everyone just take a step back! If anyone else tramples on my scene I'm going to have a full jail tonight," shouted Sheriff Maxwell as he shut the door to his Tahoe and started walking from the street. The county medical examiner, Buford Riley, followed in step.

"Sheriff, Johnny Davis said he saw blood all over Tom. Said it was all over his head and in the snow." Said a worrisome mother as she clutched her newborn slung across her shoulder.

"It's true Sheriff, there was a lot of blood, but only around his head. I think he must of hit it, or something." Chimed Johnny with an air of importance.

As Sheriff Maxwell and Buford Riley leaned over the body and turned an ice cold Tom Short over on his back, it was very evident what the cause of death had been, and the two men knew then that they couldn't share the harsh truth with the crowd of onlookers.

"Well, listen up everyone," began Buford. "We'll know more once we get the body in out of this weather, but it looks like Tom took a slip on the pavement and cracked his head open. The Sheriff and myself will let the paper know what the cause of death was, but please no one here call Tom's mother. That's my job." Buford knew he was lying, but also knew there were more questions that needed to be answered before the public could know the truth.

"Sheriff," said Mark Rutledge, the 58 year old owner of the Rutledge Family Bakery, as he walked over to the Sheriff and Medical Examiner. The rest of the onlookers moved on with their morning.

"I think I've got something that you need to take a look at."

"What is it?" asked Sheriff Maxwell.

"It's a video."

"Inside or outside?" The sheriff grew more interested.

"It's our security footage from our side door," said Mark. "Our side door in the alley."

Sheriff Maxwell's interest was peaked by this new evidence. Granted, it was quite clear from looking at the hole in the forehead of Tom Short that a slip on the ice had not claimed his life. The real question was who pulled the trigger, and why?

Life According to Me: General Update

2009-11-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

   I'm actually not even certain as to where to start with this post, so I'll just jump right in. Life has been busy. For those of you that actually read this site, and know me on a personal level, you know that I have a left knee that has been "angry" for the last 18 months. The first surgery came and went, with the doctor simply removing most of my medial meniscus and sending me on my way. That procedure was obviously not the "fix" I needed, because I was back a few months later complaining of even more pain and an inability to train for cycling.
   My new doctor (we'll call him Dr. G) was more than happy to do whatever he could in order to get me back on the bike and feeling happy and living pain free. Within about a month of seeing him, surgery #2 was scheduled, and the road to recovery was started--again. The first few weeks post-op were great, but soon the pain returned, the knee continued to lock, and now, more than ever, I actually felt the inside grinding itself away. This was not good. I was soon sent to see a pain specialist to help get my pain levels under control, but this too has proved to be a challenge. Meanwhile, Dr. G injected me with some great stuff called Synvisc, which was designed to fill in the void within the joint, help calm down the inflammation, and "oil" the surfaces to promote a fluid motion. This worked for about a month. I was then in even more pain, and was no longer capable of living my active lifestyle. Each day since, has been spent in pain and discomfort. Some days, I am barely able to walk up the stairs to my bedroom at night--good days and bad days are never predictable. During a follow up visit, Dr. G informed me that he and his friend, Dr. V, had been discussing my issues and that he wanted me to go visit Dr. V and hear what he had to say. Onward I went.
   After reviewing my files and current films, Dr. V. felt as if another surgery would benefit me a great deal. The only question: What type of surgery? To answer this, he needed to take a few more scans and review my chart for a couple of days to be certain. And so, I had standing and regular scans taken from the hip down in order for Dr. V. to understand my knee alignment, among other things. Finally, after about a week, he gave me a call to discuss my options. Dr. V. felt that he could help to fix the majority of my problem through a few procedures, all totaling a roughly 4.5 hour surgery. 1) Femoral Micro Fracture-- they would basically drill holes in the bottom of my femur to encourage blood supply and help cartilage growth. 2) Cell harvest-- harvest cartilage cells so that the next time I need surgery they can implant my own cartilage that has been grown in a lab. 3) General debris removal-- clean out the joint. 4) Meniscus transplant-- from a cadaver donor they will take a meniscus that matches my measurements the closest and transplant it into my medial compartment. Talk about a "to do" list. I thought this sounded like a plan, and gave him the go ahead. By the next day, I was on the transplant list and all I could do was wait.
   One month later, the unthinkable occurred--a phone call. My donor was available, I needed to plan a surgery date. What the hell? I thought this was going to take 4 months before I would probably get one, I haven't even been thinking about this. Turns out, someone that fit me better than the other 4 people on the list came up... it was go time. I agreed to accept the meniscus and frantically started trying to clear my schedule. Now, here I am, just a few weeks later, and weeks before surgery.
   My surgery date is slotted for December 9. This will be surgery #3 for this one injury, but surgery #11 overall. The odd thing... I am somewhat nervous going into this one, but was rarely nervous for any other procedures. According to Dr. V., I will not be allowed to walk for roughly 8 weeks after surgery. On top of that, I will be in PT for approximately 10 months. It will be 3 months before I regain anywhere close to full motion, and it will be 6 months before my muscles in my left leg are as strong as they are today. Wow. Talk about a long road. Regardless of the pain, time, effort, and work involved--I'm up for it. I'm willing to do anything in order to get my active lifestyle back. I miss it dearly. It's actually sad when I think about it, my girlfriend has never known me to have a good knee. To me, that is just crazy. She has no idea who the "old" me is (or was). I was the hiking, climbing, running, cycling, former athlete. I was the cyclist with a competitive future and records to break. Now I'm just a regular worker, an aspiring writer, a reader of tons of books, and a guy that looks at his bike when he wakes up and before he goes to sleep. Quite the contrast.
   All of this being said, I have to admit, had it not been for this injury I probably would not have been reading as much as I have, nor writing. I can't begin to describe how much of an impact my reading and writing has had on my life in the last 1.5 years. Sure, I still want to break some of those cycling records; but, I also want to complete a novel and have it published. I want to touch the lives of others, just as the authors I've been reading have impacted my own. It all sounds cliche, but it's the truth. Words are wisdom (it's what I say) and I hope to be able to share my thoughts with readers of my own, possibly inspiring them to do the same. Truth be told, with these numerous weeks of not being able to walk, in my immediate future, I'm going to get a lot of reading and writing done.

I'll keep you all posted. Thanks for being my readers.

Words are Wisdom.

SJP

The Running of LeRoy Baker: The Explanation

2009-11-14T13:45:00.002-07:00

Donald Baker's Cabin

Peaks County, Colorado

November 20th

8:50pm

After taking a few steps, LeRoy glances into the living room, which is illuminated by the flickering light of the TV, to get a better view of Donald. Instead, LeRoy sees the faint light of a dying fire creeping up the wall behind an empty leather chair. Donald, is not in the room.

"Where'd 'n hell he go?" LeRoy thinks.

LeRoy sees movement on the floor by the chair, as Rocky paws his way to the back wall of the living room. The door is ajar.

"Must be fetchin' wood out back." LeRoy assures himself.

"Gettin' pretty cold anyhow." LeRoy begins to shiver.

LeRoy's mind ponders over the best way to go about confronting his brother. Donald has always been a little jumpy, especially at night, so LeRoy figures it is best to quietly approach the house and knock on the door--only after making certain that Donald is alone. LeRoy has an air of confidence about him after successfully approaching the house without alerting anyone, but he needs to be careful. Had LeRoy found evidence of someone else lurking nearby, he would have backtracked and never returned. On the other hand, should Donald have been entertaining a known guest, LeRoy would simply have waited it out--no matter the cold. Feeling fairly certain that Donald is, not only alone, but in the back yard collecting another pile of wood, LeRoy hastens his steps for the final distance to the front porch.

"I swear, if ya move one more inch, I'm gonna scatter ya head all across this porch." Says the voice behind LeRoy, as the barrel digs its way into the skin of his neck.

"Truth is, nobody probably gonna hear the gun go off, no how, we're all alone up here." LeRoy can't help but to notice a slight hint of pleasure the speaker has in saying this.

"Look..." LeRoy begins to say, before being interrupted.

"No sir, you don't talk. I'm the one gonna be doin' talkin'!"

"Donald... It's me, LeRoy."

"LeRoy?" Donald's voice becomes strained with confusion.

"LeRoy, what are you..."

"Donald, shutup. And if ya don't mind, stop pointin' that thing at my head!" LeRoy demands in a stern, but low volumed, tone. Donald lowers the shotgun, and LeRoy turns to face his brother.

"LeRoy, what are ya doin' here? What's goin' on? Aren't you supposed to be..."

"We need to be gettin' inside, Donald. I'll explain everything then. We just need to be gettin' inside before somebody sees us." LeRoy says in haste.

"But.. LeRoy, we're..."

"I know, just trust me. I'll tell ya as much as I can once we get inside, but no more talking out here." LeRoy begs.

Donald nods and motions for LeRoy to follow him around to the back of the house. The front door is locked. Silently, they ease their way through the maze of darkness to the back door. Once inside, the blinds are drawn and the doors bolted. The two men stair at one another, not sure who should speak first. Snow begins to fall on the ranch, as a blanket of uncertainty covers the mood inside of Donald Baker's home.

"Donald, I think you need take a seat." LeRoy hints.

"I reckon I do," Donald replies, "because last time I checked, ya shoulda been sittin' in a cell at the Supermax in Florence."

"You aren't up for release for another 5 years... how'd 'n the hell ya make it a hundred and seventy miles from there, to here?" Donald glares at his younger brother.

"Bro, I know it's been a long while, " LeRoy's eyes begin to water, "but I really need your help."
"You gotta understand, though..." LeRoy pauses and looks past Donald searching for an explanation that will make sense.
"You gotta... This thing is deep, Don. This thing is real deep and real scary."

"LeRoy..." Donald also pauses, trying desperately to choose his next words cafefully.
"...I'm here for ya, LeRoy. I know we haven't talked since ya messed up and went to prison a few years back, but I'm here for my brother. You just gotta be honest with me and not keep no secrets."

LeRoy nods in an uneasy manner, but agreeing none the less.

"Now tell me, how'd ya get out of supermax years before ya even be up for parole?" Donald's voice sounds shaky, perhaps worried of the answer.

"It's a long story, bro..."

"I've got time, LeRoy. What are ya doin' out of the ADX?" Donald, pours two tumblers full of scotch as he searches for answers.

"Don, maybe if you'd at least written, you'd know I wasn't in with the tough boys." LeRoy's voice conveys in anger.
"I was in the minimum security tract. The Unabomber wasn't my cell neighbor. I was locked up around guys busted for fraud just like me."
"Gettin' out wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done. I'll save you some time and just reassure you that I didn't kill anyone to get out, I just tricked 'em."

"LeRoy," Donald shakes his head in disbelief, "you always was a con man."

"Donald..." LeRoy's face looks to be more serious.
"had I not walked out of there, I'd probably be a dead man today."

"What are ya talkin' 'bout?"

"Just like I said, bro. I caught wind of something while I was in there." LeRoy's face begins to lose color.
"The guy that told me about it had been transferred from a prison down in Mississippi, Parchman--some place like a farm. Three days ago he was found hanged in his cell. He wasn't the suicide type... if ya dig what I'm gettin' at."

LeRoy becomes solemn and looks at his brother with worry.

"Don, I knew if I didn't get out of there I would be next."

"Well, I don't know 'bout all that LeRoy, but..."

"Don," LeRoy interrupts, "don't you find it a little odd that the news ain't talking about a prison escape?"

"Why would the cops not be lookin' for ya? Maybe the news ain't heard about it yet?" Donald asks in a hopefull manner.

"Don, they don't need to be looking for me. They got someone out hunting me. They want to find me and shut me up for good, before I have time to tell others. He almost saw me last night, until I slipped in the woods near the pass."

"What kind of guy they got after ya?" asks Donald.
"And what exactly do ya know, anyhow?"

"I need to keep the knowin' to myself, for now, bro. He's some paramilitary guy. Cold. Calculative. Military skills but not the looks. It's just strange. Saw him at a truck stop below the pass. It was definately him. Seemed to just be looking around, not talking to anyone, though. Hunting."

"cal-u-tat... a para what?" Donald stutters.
"LeRoy, I know you are the smart one, the college kid and all, but what are you telling me?"

"Bro, this guy is a pro. He takes care of other people's problems."
LeRoy takes a finishing swig of his three fingers of scotch.
"I'm someone's problem."

Sensing the stress, Donald hands LeRoy what is left of his scotch. LeRoy is quick to deposit the drink in the company of his own. The stress is still there, just blurry and numb, for now.

Down the road, the hustle and bustle of swanky living continues in Juniper Grove, as locals celebrate the first snow storm of the season. The slow lifestyle of the small town of Rockpoint continues, as usual, unbeknownst to the happenings up the hill at Donald Baker's ranch. Outside, the snow continues to fall over the scape of uncertainty that has surrounded the once quiet way of life in Peaks County, Colorado. Within a few minutes, blizzard conditions ensue and cover up any trace of footsteps around the Baker property. Planted in curiosity, the black boots of Peaks County Sheriff, John Maxwell, become white--and the remaining trace of his presence at the top of Donald Baker's driveway soon covered in snow.

As the storm intensifies, Donald and LeRoy fall in and out of sleep--the fire soon dies, leaving the room lit only by a flickering TV. The fading footsteps of Sheriff Maxwell lead to an SUV parked at the front gate of the Baker ranch. Quietly, the sheriff puts his Tahoe into neutral, allowing the vehicle to roll several yards away from the gate before starting the engine and blindly driving back towards the town of Rockpoint. Morning will surely hold more questions, as a body awaits discovery outside of Juniper Grove.

The Running of LeRoy Baker: The Encounter

2009-11-10T20:17:00.010-07:00

Donald Baker's Cabin

Peaks County, Colorado

November 20th

8:00pm

The wind wove its way through the Aspen trees, carefully tracing its steps in a delicate dance among the base of each member of the grove. What was left of the fall confetti stirred in unison with the invisible sweeper, the noise just loud enough to cover the footsteps hiding in the shadows. A flicker of white and blue light pierced the darkness from the windows of the house, as Donald Baker sat alone in his living room watching re-runs of his favorite show. Meanwhile, the shadow of LeRoy Baker navigated the darkness, like a moth seeking a flickering candle. Each step, bringing him closer to a possible life altering, or ending, moment in time.

As the wind began to die down, LeRoy felt a worrisome undertone cover his body. No longer having the stirring of leaves to mask his surgical footsteps, LeRoy might as well be ringing a bell to announce his arrival. Donald, also takes notice of the changing weather. Rising from his well worn leather chair, Donald makes his way to the living room window, casting a glance above the trees--searching for the approaching storm. LeRoy quickly notices the silhouette of his older, estranged, brother in the window.

"Christ," LeRoy thinks to himself.

"He's seen me."

"Could be our first winter storm." Donald says to his dog, Rocky.

"God knows this temperature has been falling all night."

The weather is unseasonably warm for this time of year in Peaks County, Colorado. Typically, every inch of ground is covered by a foot of snow by now. Just another twenty more miles down the highway sits one of the most famous ski towns in the country, Juniper Grove--its slopes remain thirsty for the white stuff. There has even been talk that the opening day of ski season might be pushed back, but a strong winter storm could change everything. Donald Baker's place is no different, but time has taught him well. When winter holds off from painting the hills white in November, it usually means a storm will take care of a dry month in only a matter of days. The week, just as the month, has been fairly warm--until now. The temperature is quickly dropping from the sixties into the low thirties. A storm is surely on the way.

Donald Baker's house sits in an aspen grove. The front of the house faces the majority of the grove, and located just beyond is a sprawling field for horses and cattle. Though Donald owns neither, he rents the land out for grazing. The rear of the house has enough room for a stock pile of fire wood and a large area for a prized garden. The tall, wire, fence helps to keep the wildlife from robbing Donald of his hard labor. Just beyond the fence, a large sloping hill works its way up to the main gate and road. The house is perfectly hidden from view. Should curious eyes peer down onto the property from the road, not a single square foot of the log home can be seen. Donald enjoys his privacy, but holds nothing against the public. He worked hard and saved his money, built the house with his own hands, and now, spends his time enjoying the land and quiet. Little does Donald know, LeRoy will soon interrupt his quiet way of life--and it may never be the same.

As LeRoy eases his way to the edge of the grove, he is a mere twenty yards from the front porch. He's not being quiet out of fear of his brother, he is worried for much worse reasons. Granted, he and his brother didn't leave things on the best of terms, but this is the furthest from his mind. Slowly, LeRoy concentrates as he takes his first careful step on the gravel drive way. Looking down at his feet, planning his next step, LeRoy does not notice his brother step out the back door to fetch more fire wood.

Occasionally, Donald loses track of the dying fire--tonight is no different. Though he's comfortable, Donald would rather stir from his seat now, instead of during the coming blizzard. As he rises from his chair he catches a movement out of the corner of his eye--something is in the trees. Pausing to look a little harder, Donald catches movement again. Whatever is moving in the trees appears to be tall. He watches for roughly another minute, and without seeing anything, walks towards the back door to retrieve more fire wood--probably just a deer. At night, and due to the bear presence in the mountains, Donald takes his 12 ga. shotgun outside with him. While walking towards the woodpile, Donald pauses and hears something in the driveway--something, walking methodically. Curious, Donald begins to ease around the house. Though most likely a bear, Donald lives alone and miles from anyone, he'd rather just make sure.

The barrel is cold when pressed to the bare skin on the back of LeRoy's neck. Even more cold, to the point of bone chilling, is the sound of the safety being clicked off. LeRoy stops in his tracks, and must remind himself to breathe.

Meth Heads & Magazine Sales

2009-10-30T00:07:00.008-06:00

Canton, MS

Wednesday, March 2006

8:30 PM

Sitting in my living room, while watching TV, the knock on the front door goes unnoticed. I've had a long day of running some private soccer sessions and my own training ride for cycling. The knock comes again, and this time I pay attention.

"Just a second!" I shout while trying to peel myself from my chair.

Knocking again...

"Give me just a second!" I command. This time I am in the process of holstering my .45 caliber Glock pistol. I'm not doing this out of fear, but out of habit. I don't go anywhere without my gun, especially to my door at night.

As I get to the door I take a quick look through the "peep" hole to see who is knocking at such a random hour in the middle of the week. It looks a lot like my neighbor, Rex, with his hat pulled low. Rex is a good guy, normal, easy to get along with, and someone I chat with on a regular basis in front of our doors.

"Hey, what's up Rex?" I ask, while opening the door.
"Hey man, I'm not Rex, but I was curious if you want to buy some magazines?" Says the stranger standing before me.

At 8:30 on a Wednesday night, this guy is not selling magazines, nor is he dressed for the occasion. Standing before me is a young white male, wearing ripped jeans, a t-shirt that appears to have been washed sometime in the last two weeks, a stained hat, and filthy shoes. When he smiles, I am quick to notice the burned out section between his top two teeth. As he does his best to avoid eye contact, moving his head side to side, I notice the sores on his face. And while he continually scratches at his neck, I notice the burns on his fingers.

I'm thinking this guy is a meth head, everything adds up.

"Like I said, man, you want some magazines or not?" He says in a jittery tone.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not interested. I appreciate you..."

"What the hell dude? You are just cutting me off before I even have a chance to tell you what I'm selling. What's your deal man? Just give me some cash and I'll get you some magazines." He's angry now.

Since first opening the door, and not being able to get it open fully before discovering this was not Rex, my foot has been positioned behind the edge of the door--leaving only the left side of my body exposed. As the conversation turns more irate, I unholster my weapon and maintain it on my right side.

"Look man," I say in a stern manner. "I'm really not interested. I appreciate you coming by, but I think it's time for you to leave."

As I begin to close my door, the meth head steps forward and puts his hand against the door.

"Maybe instead of me leaving you can shut the hell up and listen to what I have to say." He's more than irate at this point.

"I'm not going to ask you again," I say, while placing the muzzle of my Glock against the door at chest height. "You need to turn around and walk away, or I will be calling the Sheriff's department."

Just beyond the inch and a half of wood in my front door, and the muzzle of my pistol, beats a jittery heart of a meth addict. My finger rests just outside of the trigger guard, and my palm maintains a firm grip. My mind has already assessed the situation and gone through the motions of my next few actions. If this guy forces his way into my house, it will be the last house he ever enters.

"Just give me some money!" He says, while pushing against my door again.

With my left arm, I make contact with the center of the tweaker's chest. He stumbles backwards as I open my door fully, revealing the prize behind door number one. Standing in my entryway, I bring my right arm around and extend it to join my left. I am now in my shooting stance, finger on the trigger, and focusing on my target.

"Whoa! I'm sorry bro!" He says... arms raised.
"Look man, I'm leaving. Ok?"

"I told you to leave a few minutes ago and you wouldn't." I say.
"Face the column, lean against it and cross your legs." I order, in my boldest tone.

"Look man, I'm really sorry bro. I just need some cash. I'm sorry." The tweaker is really starting to tweak out, now.

As he turns to face the column, he runs. He's free before he takes his second step. Not knowing if he is alone, I am certainly not going to pursue some meth addict on foot. Besides, I'm not the police. I wanted him away from my door and now he's doing just that. I grab my cell and call my buddy with the police department. After I pass along the info and the description of the subject, he hangs up to call the sheriff's office dispatch.

I holster my weapon and knock on my neighbor's door. Rex doesn't answer, reminding me that he's out of town. I walk back inside my apartment, lock the door, and plant myself back down in my chair. In the silence of the moment: "What the hell just happened?" I say aloud.

My heart is beating like a tweaker when I hear a knock on the door, again. As I stand up, my hand tells me that my Glock is still holstered. I check the "peep" hole--sheriff's deputy. "Thank God," I think.

After telling the deputy about the events that just took place, another knock, and this time a radio call: "It's me, ___, open up."

The deputy's partner informs us that he just picked up a young white male, fitting the description that I provided. The tweaker was wandering around in a daze, while trying to find a way out of the gated complex. It wasn't even necessary for me to give a positive ID, since the guy apparently broke down and told the deputy everything while being cuffed.

After visiting with the two deputies, about a wide variety of subjects, they turn to leave.

"Guys, I really appreciate you helping me out tonight. Make sure you tell _____ that I said hello. Thanks again and stay safe." I say as I extend my hand to one of the deputies.
"No problem, Jordan. But..." He pauses.
"Well, look... next time just pull the trigger. It'll make it easier on all of us and you'll be in the right." And with that, they shut the door.

At that moment, while standing in my living room, I knew what he meant. Though he wasn't completely serious about me pulling the trigger over magazine sales, he also wasn't completely joking about me dispatching some tweaked out punk trying to force his way into my apartment. The day I applied for a permit to carry my weapon, I decided that I could pull the trigger if need be--in order to protect myself or those around me. After experiencing this tonight, I haven't changed my mind. As I clear my thoughts, I lock the deadbolt on the door, unholster my weapon, and sink back into my chair.

Though, this time, instead of a gun in my hand, I now have a nice stiff drink... and I already know I'm going to need a refill.

Lost Time: Self Abduction and Midnight Meals

2009-10-26T15:22:00.004-06:00

For an August morning in Mississippi, it is freezing. Well, let's be honest, it's freezing inside my apartment, a very comfortable 62 degrees. I have awoke in a daze, and as I attempt to gather my thoughts I grab my phone for a time check. It's 10:30 in the morning, and I just slept for fourteen hours. I feel weird. I'm not tired anymore, but, it's hard to explain, I feel zoned out. I feel as if... I've lost time. As a 24 year old this is usually the result of alcohol, but I haven't had a drink in weeks.

"What the hell happened?" I say to myself, while rubbing my eyes for clarity on the situation.
This feeling is familiar, "I feel like I just woke up from surgery," I think.
I quickly check my back. "Yup, still have my kidneys," I say to myself with a half smile.

As I walk into the bathroom to wash my face, I discover a wet towel in the middle of the floor. This is very strange. Not only did I not shower before going to bed last night, but I always hang my towel up, as well. After washing my face, and waking up a little more, I find that I'm wearing different clothes than what I went to bed in. My other clothes are quickly located in my closet, which is positioned between the bathroom and my bedroom. Walking back into the bedroom, I sit on the edge of my bed and look through my phone.

"Nothing!" I say aloud.
"There is nothing new in here from the time I went to sleep until now." This is getting really weird.
"The door...?" I think in a panic.
"Is my door locked, still?"
I quickly walk into my living room to check the locks.

Not only are the locks secure, but the keys are on the table right where I had left them--I clearly didn't leave. Though it is evident I didn't leave in the middle of the night, it is becoming ever more clear that I didn't stay asleep during the night. A very clear sign, hinting that this is fact, the TV is on.

"What the hell?" I ask myself.
"Not only did I turn the TV off when I went to bed, but I was also watching a movie on HBO... not the History Channel." I'm shaking my head in disbelief, now.

As I turn and face the kitchen, I am forced to catch my falling jaw in my hands.
"This is getting too weird," I tell myself.
There, before me, is a messy kitchen. In the sink, a left over pasta dish. On the counter, a half full glass of orange juice, an empty gallon of milk, a jar of pasta sauce, and a box of whole wheat pasta (empty).

"...but, I had pizza for dinner?" I ask myself, trying to determine what is going on.

Sure enough, I find the empty frozen pizza box in the trash. The kitchen is a mess, though. This is so unusual, because I always clean up the kitchen when I am finished cooking. Not only this, but I don't remember cooking pasta last night.

"There's only one explanation for this," I start to say to myself.
"I clearly abducted myself and cooked a midnight meal."

I'm laughing at this point. I can't help but to think how funny this is. Hell, my doctor even warned me about this happening. I just never thought I was capable of wandering into the kitchen in the middle of the night and making meals while watching tv. Or showering and getting back in bed. All without remembering.

"Damn Ambien," I say while laughing.
"I guess it could have been worse--at least I didn't drive."

Regardless of the side effects... I'm pretty sure I slept well.

"At least I'm not an insomniac anymore," I think to myself.
"Hell, this is going to result in much better stories than when I couldn't sleep!"

No Big Deal: A Break Down

2009-10-24T11:35:00.002-06:00

I don't have the same favorite color as you: No Big Deal.

My favorite food is different than yours: No Big Deal.

I don't pull for the same sports team as you: No Big Deal, unless it is playoff season.

I like to read books, you don't: No Big Deal.

We don't like the same genre of music: No Big Deal.

We don't vote for the same political issues or party: No Big Deal, unless it is an election month.

We don't belong to the same denomination of church: No Big Deal, at least it shouldn't be.

I don't believe in the same parts of religion as you: Kind of a Big Deal, but not to those who don't judge and realize religion is truly individual.

I belong to a different religion than you: No Big Deal to those that respect the ideals of others.

I don't believe in a religious god: A VERY BIG DEAL. I will be judged for this greatly. Some judges will even feel this is a personal attack on their own belief. "How dare he question or doubt my god?!?!" I will be told that I am wrong and that you are right. That I need to pray for answers and forgiveness. This single act of doubt will result in a judgment that can't even be described here in words. You will justify your judgement of me in your own mind.

The last point is a very interesting one. Religion and a belief in a god is a very individualistic act. What we define as faith, god, love, etc, will all differ from person to person. However, to doubt or question this belief often causes a lashing out of great public judgment against the individual. What is it, in self-examination of this, that causes others to strike out with a judgment that seems to come from fear? Is it because they are afraid that if they ask the same questions, that their own belief will not hold water? I don't know, to be honest. I don't care what others believe or don't believe, so long as they don't allow it to impact my own life in obvious ways.

If you find yourself looking at even one of these scenarios and thinking, "No big deal? What? That's a very BIG deal!", then perhaps you need to read the post before this more carefully.

Thou Shall Not Judge Less Thee Be Judged. These words are often ignored by people too afraid to ask themselves the tough questions in life. These individuals most likely vote the way their own parents voted, and use that as reason for their own political ideals. They also were raised to never question faith... "if it was good enough for mom and dad, then it is good enough for me." "I believe what I believe because that's how I was raised." The list goes on...

Have a reason for your own ideals... and don't be afraid of those that are different than yourself. This will only show the world how, truly, closed minded you are.

Learn from yourself. Learn from others.

Words are Wisdom,

SJP

Judgment: Closed Minds and Open Mouths

2009-10-24T10:03:00.003-06:00

The term, judgment, can be an action planted in negative or postive roots. In the positive sense, a judge collects and reviews the information at hand, and processes it within the mind in an attempt to formulate an honest and educated opinion prior to orally releasing his decisions on the matter. This can also be described as having an open mind and a closed mouth. The ability to take in the information, form an educated opinion, and finally, release said opinion in an intellectual manner. For the purpose of this discussion, however, I will be focussing on the second root of judgment, the negative root. Also known as an individual, having a closed mind and an open mouth.

Individuals with a closed mind and an open mouth tend towards self pitty and cowardly intellect--they are quick to judge and ever more quick to speak without thinking. These are people that will often attempt to bring those around them down to their own level of sorrow when times are tough, and they lack the ability to retain happiness for those around them--no matter the circumstance. For them, life simply is not fair, and they take every opportunity to remind others of this feeling. They may even display rages of jealousy via striking out against those who are happy, thereby isolating themselves within their own world of self sorrow and destruction. These are also people that tend to be too afraid to ask the hard questions in life, lacking the courage to carefully examine the world around them, and thus not respecting those who do. They are the type of individual that would rather jump to an opinion instead of investing the time and resources required to adequately understand a subject or person. Shame on you if you fall under this category. Have you no courage to face the hard questions on your own? Have you no common decency to respect the hard work of others? Have you no confidence in your own abilities that you must seek to destroy that of others? People aren't better than you, they are merely more suited for success because they do not dwell on their own misfortune. Those that succeed, take advantage of the correct opportunities, they strive for something greater than what they are in that very moment, they yearn for the fruits of their labor--instead of hoping the fruits of others will simply spoil. If you find yourself in this description, I hope for your own sake that you find the ability in yourself to move forward, to change what you have become and strive to be of the first root of judgment.

It has been difficult for me lately to not harbor anger against these negative judges. Usually, I am able to brush these people aside and carry on with my life. However, I have struggled with doing so, as of late--as I have found myself being judged by them. I have worked hard to get to where I currently am in my life, and where I am headed. It has taken a great deal of courage for me to face certain beliefs I have held for a long time and have debated within myself for years. I will not ever apologize for my hard work, or my indepth examination of myself. I am living my own life, not yours. For those of you that choose to cast judgment on me for what I believe, you need to be warned: I have no time for you in my life. I will not waver in the face of your judgment. I will carry on with my life, my hard work, my success, and my self examining philosophy. I will not, for a moment, stop to ponder about your own. I will not judge you, nor will I acknowledge you. I have more important aspects of life to focus on, and can only hope that you see this and use this as a wake up call.

With that being said, carry on in your judgmental ways. Just know, you are slowly isolating yourself into a lonely world of individual sorrow and despair. One day, you will awaken to discover your world consists of only yourself. There will be no way out at this point, for you have burned all of your bridges with others--and you will only have yourself to blame.

Words are Wisdom,

SJP

Pretty Much Perfect: Mystery Girl & Me

2009-10-20T18:42:00.000-06:00

After just arriving back in town from being gone for a few weeks, I quickly shower and get dressed. Looking at my watch I only have minutes in reserve. "I can't be late!" I tell myself, knowing fully well that my entire life runs 15 minutes behind schedule. With what little time I have, I spend it frantically cleaning my condo. Granted, I've been out of town and there is little to no mess to clean, I want to make sure it is spotless in case she asks to come up. I pause to look around my living area in the main room. The stainless steal shines with a cold, sterile feel. The wood does well to catch the light coming in from my wall length set of floor to ceiling windows--warming the room. My friends would often compare my condo the that of the main character from the movie, American Psycho, but would stop short of comparing me to said character--thank God.

By now, I have been on a few dates in my new city, but I am still nervous for this one. Mystery Girl and I have been talking on the phone for the past few days and we both have been able to detect the excitement each time the phone rings. Hearing her laugh at my witty humor casts a light of confidence within me, I just hope I don't run out of jokes. Looking at my watch, for the tenth time in five minutes, I realize it's time to head downstairs and continue to the pub in my building for a hopefully flawless date. "Well," I say to myself, "here it goes." With that, I lock the door to my condo and make my way to the elevator. Once inside I press the button that has a giant question mark on its face. The doors open, I step out into uncertainty.

Ten minutes later we find ourselves sitting in my kitchen. She has opted to come hang out with drinks prior to getting a meal downstairs. "Thank God my place is clean," I think. She is gorgeous and seated at my kitchen bar. I am nervous and pacing, drink in hand.

"Is your drink alright?" I ask.
She smiles, "It's perfect. I love crandberry and vodka."
"Me too." I concede. "Actually, I used to really enjoy gin and tonic."
"Ugh!" she says with a look of digust. "My mom drinks that... I think it taste like pine sap."
"That's what my brother says too!" We both laugh.
I catch her eyes watching me while I pace in the kitchen and fumble with the music.
"You know, you shouldn't be nervous."
"I'm not nervous." I partially argue.
"I'm fine, I just don't want you to be bored." I plead.
"Bored? I promise I'm not bored. I like hanging out and talking." She says, still smiling.

After pacing my nerves away, I relax as we start to get to know one another a little more. With all of our talking we grow hungry and decide to move the conversation downstairs.

The pub is small, and comfortable even when crowded. Though not a full house, conversations dance through the air as we find a table near the window.

"This seems like a fun place. Do you come here a lot?"
"You know... I did when I first moved here. I seem to stay busy with work and travels, so my visits here are more sparatic. But yeah, it's a fun place to just grab a table or a seat at the bar." I pause, she's smiling. "I like places like this."
"What do you mean?" She's puzzled.
"I like places where the majority of the customers are regulars. This is that type of place. It's nice to be able to relax with friends in a pub like this and still be able to hear one another talk." I explain.
"Yeah, screaming at your friends in the loud bars gets old sometimes." She says with a slight laugh.

I find myself getting lost in her eyes and smile. We both appear to be relaxed yet partially guarded. The wine is going down smooth and we both find ourselves laughing more with each glass as the guarded walls begin to fall. Mystery Girl seems interested in everything I have to say as she continues to prod for answers into who I am. Our meal comes, is eaten, and is taken away. The wine continues, as does the laughter and the budding emotion. "Mystery Girl might like me," I'm thinking. Our eyes remain locked as we trade stories of our youth and confess embarrasing moments of our lives. The time has passed quickly as our meal turns into three hours. I don't want mystery girl to vanish into the evening sun. I want our eyes to remain locked in unison as we continue to fill the air with our own dance of words. This moment is pretty much perfect...

...and 453 days later I still feel it is.

Caffeine Crazies: The Inability To Fix Stupid

2009-10-17T00:53:00.004-06:00

Running off of a theme from an earlier post--it's the little things in life that you need to keep an eye out for. Some people simply don't amaze me anymore. Of course, there are all types of people in this world and I am a firm believer that no one is even close to being like someone else. However, there are some of us in this world that share a common gene--the stupid gene.

On any given day, I can usually predict what the line in this Starbucks is going to look like. After about 12 months of detailed analyzing I came to the realization that business here is heavily influenced by weather and the days of the week. No matter the day of the week, a really cold morning usually results in a lengthy line of caffeine addicts and wannabe hipsters. However, a Monday will always cause a line to the door full of various professionals and students, especially in the morning. Tuesdays are fairly relaxed business days, no matter the weather, sans a snowstorm. Wednesday appears to be a continuation of Monday, especially if the weather produces any form of moisture. Thursdays... who cares, only one more day in the work week, and this day tends to be slow. Now Fridays... Fridays are odd and interesting. At times, Friday can be mistaken as a Monday but customers are typically in great moods, even prior to loading up on their daily dose of caffeine. Weekend days are fairly relaxed, no matter the weather, as you see customers migrate to and fro throughout the day. The next few times you are headed to your local Starbucks, make some observations yourself. Note the day of the week, the weather conditions, and see how this appears to influence the flow of customers in your own neck of the woods. The customers... Ah yes the infamous customers of Starbucks. Quite the lot of characters aren't they?

Several years ago, I remember hearing a funny observation while sitting in, no less, a Starbucks. Thinking back, I'm certain I was probably sitting at the Starbucks/Barnes and Noble in my old hometown during the hour that I should have been sitting in a college class. Skipping college classes... that's a whole other post topic, but in short, I greatly preferred to be sitting where I was, either with a book in hand or writing of my surroundings in a journal. Don't get me wrong, I loved most of my college classes, but I didn't mind missing those slow days that were absent of discussion. Alas, I digress... back to the funny observation.

So there I was, minding my own business over a cup of coffee and my journal when my co-class-skipper from French sat down at my small table. For the purpose of this story we will simply refer to my friend as Joe, though this is clearly not his name. "So are you a fake writer?" Joe asks under his breath. I look at him in an effort to indicate that I don't follow where he is going with this question. Seeing my confusion, Joe attempts to clarify. "Have you ever noticed the 'writers' that are always in these coffee shops? Feverishly slaving away on their master script, quietly enough to not bother others but just loud enough to draw attention to themselves?" he says. I quickly process the scene he has described and begin to glance around the room. "Holy Christ!" I say, between a sip of coffee and a smirk. "These guys stick out like a sore thumb. I can't believe I've never really picked up on these people." I exclaim with astonishment.

It's true... go to any coffee chain or local cafe--these people are there. Now don't get me wrong, there are some truly genuine people that are there to write without making a scene (no pun intended). That being said, there are clearly those that show up repeatedly to be, "The Starbucks Writer." In fact, if you look hard enough, there is a whole cast of "Starbucks People" that you can find in almost any Starbucks. I call them the Starbucks Five, for obvious reasons... and it's a goal of mine to find them all in one cafe, in one visit. Allow me to explain:

The Starbucks Writer: This is typically a male, late 20s to mid 30s. There he sits, either at a well positioned corner table for all to see, or a table in the middle of all the action. He keeps to himself, he doesn't speak to those around him and he's not on his cell phone. He's just there. Typing. Occasionally looking up from the screen, possibly for divine inspiration, and then he's back to the typing. Throughout the hours he will leave his seat to stretch and run to the restroom. He will order more coffee or bum free water from the Barista who he knows on a first name basis. No one knows what he is writing... or if he is writing anything at all. Yet there he is, on almost a daily basis, seated at his table with computer in front, phone to one side, and the same cup of coffee on the other.

The Starbucks Phone Lady: This one kills me, she's like a ninja. Don't worry if you cannot find her quickly, though she is good at blending into the crowd, the phone lady usually reveals her location on her own. Sometimes, you luck out and she walks into the cafe after you are already seated or in line. Nevertheless, there she is, talking her damn head off. At times, she can be spotted with a kid hanging on to her leg; in either case, the phone is glued to her face. She talks as if no one else is within 100 feet of her, and does not mind revealing personal information for all to hear. Don't worry, you won't be the only one there that can't stand this fine specimen. Often times, the Baristas grow tired of her if she attempts to order her coffee while still talking on her phone.

The Starbucks I-Used-To-Be-Retired-But-Need-More-Money-So-Here-I-Am Barista: This one is fairly self explanatory... and bless her heart for trying. This Barista is typically a female and over the age of 50. She tries extremely hard to understand her job and all of the various complex orders that exist in the world of coffee, but trying is never enough. She just doesn't get it. I have actually placed an order and had this Barista just look at me as if not only did I just order my coffee in a foreign language but had my face painted like the Joker. Not only this, but after clarifying my order, including explicit instructions on how to make it, my order is still not correct on the receiving end. The exclamation point on this one comes when you inform her of her error and are met with, "Oh I'm so sorry sweetie... well, I tried!" You don't even want to give this lady another chance, because you have by now convinced yourself you will never get what you order. There is no hope. You have lost this round.

The Starbucks Creepy Middle Age Man: Obviously a male and of middle age. This guy just sits at a table by himself, sipping his coffe, staring at the young women that come in the cafe. Though in major cities these guys are usually in business atire, it becomes even more creepy when they are dressed in a t-shirt and athletic shorts.

The Starbucks Rookie Regular: This can be either a male or female, and age doesn't really matter either. This individual tends to feel as though they know what they are ordering (proper order, slangs, etc) yet they either constantly screw it up or they make really odd request. An example: "I would like a double grande mocha, please." Grande drinks come with two shots--so this doesn't make sense. The list of examples go on, but you can pick them out for yourself.

The door has always bothered me, what with its offset hinges and all. Now, obviously, all doors with offset hinges don't bother me, but this particular entryway does due to it not being as wide as a typical storefront. When entering the cafe, I feel as I almost need to dodge the door as it swings open, all the while keeping in mind to not run into the other door due to the narrow entry. "Who in the hell builds an entry like this?" I think to myself. Welcome to Starbucks, the home of "what the hell?"

As I make my way to the line I realize how badly I need a caffeine fix. It's friday, but with my travels this week, my caffeine reserves are running low--dangerously low. Friday is like a monday, but happier, so I don't mind waiting in line--especially because it allows me to try for the Starbucks Five... I've counted four, but never the sacred five. For obvious reasons, I find the Starbucks Writer almost immediately. He's off in a corner by himself with his coffee, cell phone, and computer--typical. "What's the deal with these guys?" I think to myself. As I'm peering around the room, Mrs. Obnoxious walks into the cafe and gets in line behind me. "Well, there's the Starbucks Phone Lady... I wish someone would mug her so she would leave this damn cafe," I almost say aloud. I'm not a bad person, I just really can't stand this character. I turn around and play off my 'check' by giving her a friendly smile. Sure enough, it's a 40 something blonde chatting on her cell phone. She even gives the classic line of "Girl, I might have to go real quick because I'm in line at Starbucks. No it's fine, they are busy so there is a line, but if I have to go it's because it's my turn to order." She follows this up with the most annoying cackle of a laugh I've heard in a while. May God have mercy on her soul. Now I'm two out of five. I check behind the counter... no joy. The Baristas are all young college kids working the shift, so I won't get the crazy retiree points on this trip. Try as I may, I can't find a creepy guy checking out hot coeds, either. I'm not feeling the love in here this morning, I usually find at least three out of five.

I'm probably just trying too hard and need to relax and see if some more psychos come strolling through the door.
"I know! I couldn't believe it either! Well look girl, I'm walking into Starbucks right now! Yeah... you know me... I gots to have my morning mocha!" she says as she attempts to squeeze through the narrow entryway doors.
"Bingo!" I'm thinking. Now, let me just stop you before you get too far ahead of yourself. You can't get double points in this game. Only one point each, per person, per cafe is allowed. And this girl has potential to fulfill one of my favorite points--The Starbucks Rookie Regular. She has "Orders Like An Idiot" written in bold face print on her forehead. She's a few places behind me in line so I'll need to keep an eye out for her after I have ordered.

Finally, I'm up. "Good morning, how's life today?" I say to the Barista taking my order.
"It's going great! I've been taking shots of espresso, so I am really wired!" she responds.
I catch myself before being too harsh with my response and only offer "hmm, working while wired? Might want a decaf intervention before it's too late." My comment clearly takes a while for her to register, but she eventually giggles and takes my order.

*I know what you are thinking... "Hey! What did you order?" Well, I have to keep some aspects of my life private... So I'll start with my coffee.

As I'm waiting at the 'receive' area for my coffee, I catch myself anxiously waiting for the loud mouth mocha girl to order. Before too long, the moment of truth arrives. I feel time slowing as she approaches the counter. I can actually hear the coins dropping into the Tip Jar as the previous customer departs the counter space. She firmly plants her feet as her head swivels from side to side, as if searching for something to order. This is out of habit, however. She already knows damn well what she is about to say--almost as if it is rehearsed. My coffee is sitting on the counter waiting for my hand to marry it. I don't care. This suspense is resulting in a massive adrenaline dump. I feel my heart racing as she begins to order... She's a southerner.
"Hey y'all! Good morning," She says.
I'm thinking "Oh man, this is about to get good. Overweight, loud mouth, phone talkin', SOUTHERNER. This is like a perfect storm of ordering f*ck up potential."
With the utmost confidence she says, "I can't ever remember... Venti is the large one, right? So a Venti White Mocha with ice. But I want two shots of coffee, extra whipped cream and non-fat milk."
She then pauses as the girl behind the counter repeats the order to the Barista.
"Iced Double Venti White Mocha with extra Whip please!" the Barista calls out.
"Wait!" interrupts the southerner.
"That's NON-FAT milk! Make sure you get it right!" She demands with all her weight might.
"Jesus Christ" I say aloud.
The man next to me leans over and asks, "did I just hear that correctly?"
I reply, "Yes sir. She just demanded a sugar drink with extra whipped cream AND non-fat milk. Clearly she has it figured out that the milk is her problem."
The man begins to laugh in a quiet manner before driving the point home to me, "Son, we are probably both going to hell, but I am a doctor and I can assure of you one thing in this case."
"What's that?" I ask.
With the most serious look possible in this moment he answers, "It's quite clear... we still lack the ability to fix stupid."
With this, the doctor collects his coffee and leaves. Meanwhile, here I am, struck in awe by stupid and laughing to myself over the doctor's comment. Soon, I too gather my coffee and head out the door, but the degree of stupid that I witnessed this day will soon not leave my memory. I might be a coffee whore, and I might deliberately surround myself with caffeine crazies in order to gain a fix from time to time, but I never imagined I would put my own intellect in the direct path of someone firing off stupid without clear consideration of those around them. At least my coffee was good.

Until next time...

Words are Wisdom.

SJP

No Apologies: I'm A Writer

2009-10-12T20:20:00.002-06:00

It's no secret that some of the topics I write about, and subsequently open for discussion on here, are not without controversy. In fact, I could easily elect to keep certain opinions to myself. Then again, this is a blog, this is designed as an outlet for individuals that want to be read. As an aspiring writer I would be foolish to keep my thoughts from others. Not only do I use this blog as an avenue of expression, but I also hope to encourage discussion among my readers--possibly even causing some to view a topic in a new light. Fellow Blogger, Kim Ayres, said it well:

And if something I write triggers a feeling in you, then in a way I have succeeded in what I do. When I blog, I am trying to communicate something to other people. So if you then feel compelled to relate it to your own experience, then I am pleased.

Like Kim, I'm not out to get anyone, to put them down, to call them names, or to tell them they are wrong for what they believe. I am simply here to write my thoughts, share my feelings, and encourage discussion. Just because we might not see eye to eye on certain issues doesn't make either of us wrong or right, it makes us different--and different is never boring. I might not agree with your religion, political affiliation, or thoughts on a certain event in history, but that doesn't make one of us wrong. Hell, I might even tell you that my favorite color is blue, but that doesn't make you wrong for liking green... though blue is better.

I do not intend to offend anyone by anything I have written here. If you do become offended by certain material it is your own fault and should be taken as a hint to yourself to explore open mindedness. I will not apologize for material that might push the boundaries of comfort. If we never examine opinions that differ from our own we will find ourselves in a static state of intellect. I do not prefer to be static, nor should you.

With all of this being said, I hope you find the discussion here captivating, thought provoking, well thought out, and yet intimidating at first glance.

Happy Reading,

SJP

Fall is in the Air

2009-10-11T23:59:00.011-06:00

I don't know where you might be as you read this, but if you were here, you could walk outside and smell the impending winter. That's right, take it in... fall is in the air. That being said, there is no better way to spend a wonderful fall weekend, as the leaves are changing, than at The Ranch. There is just something peaceful about it all, and it is quite easy to lose oneself amongst the changing seasons. Walking up that road (pictured above) and just thinking about the world around me, the meaning of everything, my own mortality, and various other topics that dip down into the deep void of my own mind, makes it very easy to forget about the simple things in life--such as my dog. There he is, walking next to me, looking for the next big stick. He has his moments too, however. I've often caught him staring off into the nothingness of this world--solving all of life's mysteries.

I don't know what it is about that clean mountain air, but it always causes my mind to start dwelling. There is not a feeling of urgency in life when I am in the mountains, only a feeling of ease. All is well in the world... at least for this moment. I've always found the odd irony of the beauty of fall. Never has death been so attractive.

I'm different than a lot of people around me, and those of you that truly know me are nodding in agreement right now. Yes, I look at this mountain in awe and wonder much like the next person. That's where most people stop, though. I keep going, my mind gets to turning, I become curious about the history. Here is a former volcanic area, with a town even named for a form of volcanic rock... and here in front of me lies what is left of it all. This area is reminiscent of what once was--when life once was but is no longer. Just as my mind gets a little too far ahead of me, I am pulled back to the "now" by the sound of a stick on gravel. My dog always knows the best time to distract me without even distracting me.

He finds peace while swimming. I find peace while watching him.

Words are wisdom,

SJP

At Least Someone Reads!

2009-10-10T11:04:00.010-06:00

Well I was not expecting this one bit! Thanks goes out to my dear friend Jessica at ...And Baby Makes 3 for my Superior Scribbler Award for blogging.

1. Each Super Scribbler I name today must in turn pass the award onto 5 most deserving bloggy friends.
2. Each super scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received the award.
3. Each super scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to THIS POST, which explains the award.
4. Each super scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.
I used to follow a lot of people, but they let their blogs die. The following are three very wonderful blogs:
The Wiegands
Shaun Menary
Kim Ayres
Take the time and check these blogs out. Drop them some comments if you like what you see. Also, leave me some comments on some other blogs that I should be reading! I always enjoy finding new people to follow. I hope everyone is having a great day! It's cold and snowing here. Thanks again to Jessica for the Blog Award! At least I know one person still reads this scratch pad.
Regards,

SJP

Ignoring the Evidence

2009-10-02T09:49:00.010-06:00

In 2008, a Rassmussen Poll revealed that 44% of Americans believe that life has not changed on Earth since its creation less than 10,000 years ago. Then again, in 2008, a Pew Research Poll revealed that 42% of Americans believe that life, in its current form, is how it has been since the beginning of time.

These numbers are shocking to me.

Clearly, the majority of these figures are attributed to people of faith--specifically Christianity. What is ironic about these findings, however, is that people are clearly still set in the old ways of their beliefs; whereas their own churches have adapted to the changing structure of worldy knowledge. Though most of the denominations of Christianity have not released an official stance on the theory of evolution, they have most clearly stated that it is acceptable to believe in it and still have faith--due to overwhelming evidence in its favor.

The following are excerpts from certain denominations regarding this subject:

Has the Episcopal Church spoken officially on evolution?

No. However, clergy and scientists from both the Catholic and Evangelical traditions in Anglicanism have accepted evolution from Darwin’s time to the present. In a resolution passed by General Convention in 1982, the Church affirmed the ability of God to create in any form and fashion, which would include evolution. Several Anglicans and Episcopalians, some of whom are both theologians and scientists, are contributing to the development of new theologies of an evolving creation.

The Catholic Position:

What is the Catholic position concerning belief or unbelief in evolution? The question may never be finally settled, but there are definite parameters to what is acceptable Catholic belief.

Concerning cosmological evolution, the Church has infallibly defined that the universe was specially created out of nothing. Vatican I solemnly defined that everyone must "confess the world and all things which are contained in it, both spiritual and material, as regards their whole substance, have been produced by God from nothing" (Canons on God the Creator of All Things, canon 5).

The Church does not have an official position on whether the stars, nebulae, and planets we see today were created at that time or whether they developed over time (for example, in the aftermath of the Big Bang that modern cosmologists discuss). However, the Church would maintain that, if the stars and planets did develop over time, this still ultimately must be attributed to God and his plan, for Scripture records: "By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, and all their host [stars, nebulae, planets] by the breath of his mouth" (Ps. 33:6).

Concerning biological evolution, the Church does not have an official position on whether various life forms developed over the course of time. However, it says that, if they did develop, then they did so under the impetus and guidance of God, and their ultimate creation must be ascribed to him.

Concerning human evolution, the Church has a more definite teaching. It allows for the possibility that man’s body developed from previous biological forms, under God’s guidance, but it insists on the special creation of his soul. Pope Pius XII declared that "the teaching authority of the Church does not forbid that, in conformity with the present state of human sciences and sacred theology, research and discussions . . . take place with regard to the doctrine of evolution, in as far as it inquires into the origin of the human body as coming from pre-existent and living matter—[but] the Catholic faith obliges us to hold that souls are immediately created by God" (Pius XII, Humani Generis 36). So whether the human body was specially created or developed, we are required to hold as a matter of Catholic faith that the human soul is specially created; it did not evolve, and it is not inherited from our parents, as our bodies are.

While the Church permits belief in either special creation or developmental creation on certain questions, it in no circumstances permits belief in atheistic evolution.

Presbyterian Church (USA) Office of Theology and Worship - Evolution Statement:

Neither Scripture, our Confession of Faith, nor our Catechisms, teach the Creation of man by the direct and immediate acts of God so as to exclude the possibility of evolution as a scientific theory. Scripture states that "out of the ground" the Lord God formed every beast, Genesis 2:19, and "of the dust of the ground" the Lord God formed man, Genesis 2:7. Genesis 1 teaches that according to the Word of God there came into being Light, Firmament (called Heaven), the Earth and the Seas. Then, God said: "Let the waters bring forth" and "Let the earth bring forth." After the creation of Light, the Firmament and the Earth, after the Earth and the Waters brought forth plant, aquatic and animal life, then God said: "Let us make man." This man, Adam, meaning both a man and man, is by nature both individual and corporate. The name Adam is simply a generic term for man brought forth from the Earth. Genesis 1 describes Creation as taking place in six days; however, it is not necessary to understand the Genesis account as a scientific description of Creation....

If the Confession of Faith, or the Catechisms, appear in some manner to support the position of the General Assemblies of 1886, 1888, 1889 and 1924 this is not because of Scripture itself but rather because Scripture was interpreted with 17th Century perspectives and presuppositions.

Some form of evolutionary theory is accepted by the majority of modern scientists. The Darwin Centennial celebration, composed of fifty outstanding experts on the various phases of evolutionary theory, expressed the meaning of evolution as follows: "Evolution is definable in general terms as a one-way irreversible process in time, which during its course generates novelty, diversity, and higher levels of organization. It operates in all sectors of the phenomenal universe, but has been most fully described and analyzed in the biological sector." (Evolution After Darwin, edited by Sol Tax, University of Chicago Press, containing the University of Chicago Centennial papers and discussion, 1959)

Our responsibility as Christians is to deal seriously with the theories and findings of all scientific endeavors, evolution included, and to enter into open dialogue with responsible persons involved in scientific tasks about the achievement, failures and limits of their activities and of ours. The truth or falsity of the theory of evolution is not the question at issue and certainly not a question which lies within the competence of the Permanent Theological Committee. The real and only issue is whether there exists clear incompatibility between evolution and the Biblical doctrine of Creation. Unless it is clearly necessary to uphold a basic Biblical doctrine, the Church is not called upon and should carefully refrain from either affirming or denying the theory of evolution. We conclude that the true relation between the evolutionary theory and the Bible is that of non-contradiction and that the position stated by the General Assemblies of 1886, 1888, 1889 and 1924 was in error and no longer represents the mind of our Church.

We re-affirm our belief in the uniqueness of man as a creature whom God has made in His own image.

What you will find, often enough, is that within these explanations of stance a general notation of attitude towards science is usually made. Obviously, those churches that choose to settle with current scientific theory are a little more welcoming to the scientific community as a whole––quite opposite of those that are strong in their opposition. It is an interesting fact that those churches that are clearly not accepting of the evidence in support of evolution tend to be evangelical in their root, and choose to ignore the growing support at hand in favor of a literal interpretation of the Bible. That the world was created within the last 10,000 years (even 6,000 years) is not only an acceptable position, but also makes rational sense. The fact that their own text contains two creation stories within Genesis, and a world wide flood, are far more believable to them than the evidence that reveals the earth is in fact billions of years old and once home to dinosaurs. I can't help but to wonder, in a humorous manner, if some of these people believe that God planted fossils and other evidence here in an attempt to confuse us. How ever crazy that notion may seem, there really are people that believe this. Which to them I ask: Why would a god want to confuse you and hide from you instead of revealing himself once and for all--pushing aside all doubt forever? Then again, there are those that simply believe that if it isn't in the Bible then it isn't true... because the Bible is the truth, no matter how you look at it.

An Open Critique of Chip Henderson's Sermon: "Is There a God?"

2009-08-03T18:56:00.019-06:00

Before I get started with my critique of Chip Henderson's sermon on God, let me first provide you with directions to view said sermon.

Click here and then click on "Sermon Video" - though you may view any sermon you wish, for the purpose of this discussion you should view "The Doctrine of God: Is There a God?"

Chip Henderson is the Senior Pastor at Pinelake Church in Brandon, MS. Pinelake Church is considered not only the fastest growing church in Mississippi, but also one of the fastest growing church populations in the South East United States. Pinelake is best described as an evangelical mission. On their website, the requirements for being a member are listed as:

What are the membership requirements at Pinelake? We have three requirements for being a part of the Pinelake family as a member: 1. You must be a follower of Jesus Christ who has been spiritually reborn. Only followers of Jesus Christ can be a member of the “church”. This means that you admit that you have sinned. Then, acknowledge that Jesus Christ is God’s only Son and that He paid the penalty of sin by His death on the cross. And finally, that you trust Jesus Christ by accepting His forgiveness and commit to following Him. 2. You must follow Christ by being baptized by immersion after conversion. 3. You must attend a Starting Point information and membership class and have an interview with our Starting Point team. This assures that you get all the information that you need to make an informed, prayerful decision that Pinelake is the church for you.

The point in posting the requirements for being a member of this church is simply to help the reader better understand the position of the church on basic principles of membership, and thus teachings. I am in no way arguing against it's requirements to join - that is a whole other issue.

In an effort to prevent this post from being any longer than it already will be, I will not write out, in detail, excerpts from Henderson's sermon - I will only quote if needed, and paraphrase as accurately as possible when necessary. I would also like the reader to note that I am not going in order of subjects of conversation; rather, I will be addressing the issues in the order that they were presented within the sermon.

The Doctrine of God: Is There a God?

As Henderson opens his sermon, it is quite easy to see that he has a biased, ill conceived, uninformed, and over confident notion as to what non-believers actually do believe - and more. Henderson begins by stating that Atheists believe "...God is for losers." Now, part of me has to question myself, "is he joking?" or "is this guy so far off his scholarly rocker that he believes his own propaganda?" After a few more minutes of listening, I decided on the latter. Since I am just starting out on my critique of Mr. Henderson, I will spare you all the obvious reasons as to why Atheists do not believe gods are for losers.

Next, Henderson offers the usual scripture as proof of a creator, Romans chapter one. In this chapter, and in particular verse nineteen, the author makes the point that God has "...made evident within us." What this basically means, is that because we have morals a creator must be responsible and have actually given them to us. This is a very common example that is often cited as proof of a god. Christianity is not the first, nor will it be the last, or even the only current religion to use this as proof. The truth is that many religions, cults, and societies have claimed that morals of humanity are clear proof of a creator god, a managing god, or even a gathering of gods. Unfortunately, for religions, this is not ample proof. In fact, for thousands of years societies, villages, and even small groups of people have proven that people work out the morals - not gods in the sky. Morals are not as complex as some might want you to believe. It does not take long for budding groups of people to establish what will be acceptable within the group and what will not be tolerated - a form of social evolution if you will (not in the sense of Darwinism). These tolerable traits of the group are what bind the group together in a cohesive flow of action and judgment. Over the years, these morals are forced to adapt with the ever changing structure of the society. Just look to our world or even to our own country, the United States, over the past 100 years as clear evidence of evolving morals.

I can't really fault Henderson for his attempt to use morals as ample proof of his point - but when he fails at addressing even the simplest points of evolution, his "proof" begins to unravel fairly quickly. Now, before I call Henderson out on his lack of evolutionary knowledge I will concede the point that we are not all Evolutionary Biologists - I am not one, nor is Henderson. That being said, it does not take a vast degree of study to comprehend the basic points of the Evolutionary Theory. Furthermore, it does not take a Masters of Divinity to understand the God Hypothesis. I am neither, and yet I have a fairly good concept of both. This is another one of those cases where ignorance is not an excuse. Most people have a basic understanding of evolution. In fact, I am sure most of you think of the phrase "survival of the fittest" whenever you come across the term "evolution." Many of you just said "he's right" to yourself. Unfortunately - Henderson lacks this understanding and makes it blatantly clear with a story he tells his congregation. In his story, Henderson attempts to prove that the Theory of Evolution holds no water due to the simple fact that it can't account for emotion. That's right, Henderson believes that after all of these years he's about to undo the theory by invoking emotion. Even more outrageous, I fear that a great majority of his congregation actually believed what he was telling them - emotion proves that evolution is flawed, thus creationism is correct. Allow me to explain.

Henderson uses a true, but sad, story about a tragic event involving a mother, a father, and their wheelchair bound daughter. One day, while on a train, horror strikes when the train derails and falls into a body of water. People are trapped in the passenger compartment and must crawl out above the seats via a small opening; however, time is short as water begins to rush in and fill the car. The father knows that there is not enough time for all three of them to escape to safety so he does what most of us would do - he and the mother lift their daughter through the opening into the arms of other passengers before becoming casualties to this tragedy. This is a purely selfless act. Both parents were clearly strong enough to make an escape but chose to sacrifice themselves and save their handicap daughter who could not act for herself. Granted, this story is a great story for church due to its demonstration of a selfless act and a showing of ultimate love - but Henderson stretches the meaning. Henderson claims that this very proof is all that anyone needs in order to understand that evolution is false. Now why is this? Simple. Henderson takes the "survival of the fittest" and actually assumes that is all there is to the theory he is "dismantling" before the eyes of the congregation. Watching the video you can clearly see his face light up with excitement - as he believes he is disproving science. You see, the strongest members sacrificed themselves so that the weaker member could live - thus survival of the unfittest. Henderson claims that the Evolutionary Theory is false due to the fact that this story demonstrated not a survival of the fittest, but a survival of love. Unbeknownst to Henderson, that is not what the theory implies in its full context. In fact, the Evolutionary Theory actually has a term for this very act - altruism - the behavior of an animal that may be to its disadvantage but that benefits others of its kind. Another way to phrase this is the principle for unselfish concern for others. Though often times it is the strongest and most adaptive members of a species group that survives, it is also a fact that sometimes the strongest of the group must sacrifice themselves in order to assist in the survival of the species group as a whole - whether it benefits the entire group or, as in this case, a single member. Another example of this would be animals that give warning cries to the group when a predator is near - though risking their own safety by alerting the predator to their own location. Henderson, once again, has failed at his attempt for proof and has also miseducated his congregation in the process.

Next, Henderson makes several claims that offer proof to his point, I will do my best to address them in as little wording as possible unless they warrant a longer response. Our desire for something greater than ourselves and events outside our control is a clear bit of evidence for God, according to Henderson. I also have to disagree with this statement and will rely on history for a quick argument. Since the beginning of time, and only when religious belief was present, humans have often accused god(s) as the responsible party for events we were yet capable of explaining. Examples of said events are earthquakes, volcano eruptions, meteorite activity, lunar and solar eclipses - and so on. Simply put - god was often credited for events that we could either, not control, or were yet capable of explaining with evidence. Most of us now know what are the real causes of the events I just listed, we are able to find and present actual proof as to their nature; Henderson, on the other hand, has not yet proved god.

What's a good old fashioned southern sermon on the proof of god without spreading lies and hate about non-believers? Henderson's next statement blew me away because I at least thought he might have some southern charm - I was wrong. Henderson offers the claim that "Atheists seek pleasure in place of God." Is he serious? I know a few atheists and I have yet to witness them being gluttons for pleasure; in fact, I know a great deal of "bible thumpers" that seek pleasure more than anyone else I know. This statement is once again a scare tactic - it is Henderson's attempt to put fear in the hearts of his congregation. I can picture 17 year old Billy in the audience thinking "Oh no, I do a lot of things centered on pleasure and I believe in God...I'm being so bad in this life." It's been a useful tactic for ages - Christians are good, gluttons are bad; however, gluttony does not follow religious boundaries.

Henderson soon makes yet another claim about Atheists - "Atheists ignore evidence about God because it's not what they want to hear, and they are afraid of the truth." Henderson is, once again, wrong. The simple truth is that Atheists are not afraid of evidence. In fact, if they can be shown substantial proof that a god exists then they are more than willing to believe. Whereas creationists, clearly ignore evidence of evolution and do not want to be shown evidence of such, or even find ways to explain it away. This act of some creationists is evidence of a term I like to call "blinding faith." They have allowed their passion for belief to get in the way of reason and reality. Now, before many of you become offended by what I just said, please understand that you, probably, do not fall under the category of "blinding faith." There is absolutely nothing wrong with having faith and a certain set of beliefs as long as your are willing to open your eyes to substantial evidence. Churches of the world have adapted their stance on certain scientific issues for hundreds of years due to overwhelming evidence, some people have not.

Since we're on the subject of failed points of proof I'll go ahead and mention that Henderson also used the "painting must have a painter" talking point. I don't think this even needs explanation since you can clearly deduce that he meant "creation must have a creator". Instead of wasting more of my time debating this point I will direct you towards a great book titled The Blind Watchmaker. Furthermore, Henderson also says that since "nature has a rhythm and always has, there must be a creative force behind it." This too is not true, for Earth has varied in natural cycles and seasons of change for billions of years - there is nothing constant but time. Religion loves to try and explain the concept of order, but has no answer for chaos.

I WILL grant Henderson this next point in his use of the "cause and effect" argument: "No one can prove that the Big Bang is responsible for life, nor can we prove that God is." He couldn't be more correct. The plain truth is that no one can prove either case. I will admit, however, that I am confused by this since he has now spent quite a bit of time trying to prove his case. My agreement with him ends, though, when he says "Atheists have faith just as we do. They have faith that God is not real just as we have faith as believers that He is real and responsible for all." This, too, could not be further from the truth - Atheists do not use faith in the religious sense of the term. Atheists have faith that gravity is real, they can prove it. Atheists do not have faith in the non-existence of god as believers have faith in the existence of Him. This, once again, demonstrates Henderson's very poor knowledge (or lack thereof) of non-believers and their beliefs.

Towards the end of his sermon, I find myself captivated by a singular subject that Henderson brings up - the universe. Henderson goes at length in discussing how big the universe (thus God) is, yet stresses the truth of creationism and the Creationist point of view. I find this very interesting because Creationists date everything to the age of right around six thousand years old; whereas, studies of the universe, and thus the Evolutionists belief, dates some areas of the universe to 14.5 billion years old. I find it odd that Henderson would severely contradict himself with this, yet he does. Henderson quickly gets back into his routine though and sums up his sermon with one more insult for non-believers. "Atheists do not want to believe in God because there will be consequences for their actions," according to Henderson. Henderson even cites Psalms 14:1 which basically states, "the fools says 'there is no god.'" This, too, is not true - Atheists' absence of belief in a god is due to lack of evidence and agreement with reason (science) and experience. On this point, ancient Romans often wrote about their disbelief in how their enemies could not believe in their own gods... come to think of it, most if not all religions make this very point. Therefore, are all religions correct, only a few, or none? Let's look just at monotheism on a scaled down view: Muslims believe they are right and everyone else is wrong - the same holds true for Jews and Christians, but all three can't be right, not even two of them can be right - are any of them correct at all? Ask yourself this - if you were born in the mountains of Pakistan, would you currently be a Christian? Or would you, in fact, be a devout Muslim sitting on the other side of the fence thinking the very things you currently think, but about another religion?

With all due respect Chip Henderson, your sermon lacked knowledge, clear understanding of the material, reason, and humility. You would do your congregation a great deal of service if the next time you want to discuss the God Hypothesis, or even another subject... you do your research completely - and take notes.

I know I have opened a huge number of different subjects with this post - I intend to address some of these at a later date. Please understand this was a critical post on Henderson and his lack of understanding and the shame he should have for misrepresenting the beliefs of others.

Words are wisdom.

SJP

Ramblings: A Scattered Mind

2009-07-24T10:36:00.005-06:00

I am always amazed with the vastness of the human mind, its ability to process several different thoughts at such an amazing speed is pretty impessive. Often times, when I am attempting to write on a subject, I find that my mind is already pages, if not chapters, ahead of the pen on paper. This can obviously be frustrating when attempting to gather thoughts to transpire to words and still maintain the thought process itself. Much like my previous post covered, this condition is a lot like writer's block except that having material is not the issue - the challenge is to keep up with the mind.

In an effort to aid myself, I have begun keeping a small journal with me. Actually, I have several, but this new one has a purpose. I am going to use it to start trying to write about who I am, what my thoughts are, what I believe, and things that I question in this world. Though there is an overall "order" to these thoughts, I am certain that the writings will be generally scattered because of how my mind constantly jumps around - oh well. What's funny is that I have always entertained the idea of writing a book, or two, or ten. I've had this idea ever since sitting in class in college... maybe this is the first step towards the realization of said thought... or merely a simple way to spend my time.

Regardless of what this journal will turn out to become - I will make sure that I take excerpts from my writings and post them here.

- SJP

Not Lazy... but...

2009-07-21T22:29:00.005-06:00

Writer's Block... I hate it - dumbest thing ever. There, I said it. It absolutely drives me crazy at times, and it's really hard to describe if you haven't actually been "in that moment" so to speak. It's the strangest thing, honestly. I can be overflowing with topics of discussion in my head and not be able to communicate it to the page in front of me - it's the ultimate level of aggravation. There is no cure, but simply time... as far as I know. A large reason that this is such a hurdle for me at times is due to the fact that I don't tend to view writing in a draft format. To me, I want to be able to say exactly what I think and not need to adjust the wording at a later point in time. As a result of this desire, I tend to hesitate writing until I am confident in what I am trying to say. Thus, I haven't had much to post about as of late. Well, I have had plenty to post about, I just haven't been able to write it down.

- SJP

Pre-Fourth Thoughts

2009-07-03T22:04:00.009-06:00

Not much to really talk about at the moment - busy week but the weekend is here! Had a half day on thursday and drove up to the ranch that night. Today was spent getting ready for the 4th - that involved cooking sweets, prepping the bar, and getting decorations strung up in the most patriotic way possible. The late evening was spent playing games and laughing...can't beat that.

America F*ck Yeah!

Though we all get caught up in our family time, drinks, good food, games, and just general laziness - let us not forget those that make days like tomorrow, and each and everyday, possible. I currently have friends in Iraq and Afghanistan - taking it to the enemy and trying to stay safe. Though I wish I could do my part and be with them, I am not. I will certainly never forget their service - nor that of their families. My friends that are currently serving are full of selfless desire, and their actions speak louder than the words I can write; however, so to are their families that they have left behind - selfless is an understatement for them all.

To those of you reading this: take the time between meals, games, drinks, and laughter - pick up your phone and call someone you know that is serving (or their family) or someone that has served and tell them exactly what it means to you. I know I will.

Thurman Jones and family, Justin Adkison and family, Adam Martin (Jessica, baby Martin, and family), to the guys I met at OCS, Jonathon Case and family... to all of you...

THANKS. Words will never be enough to describe what you do. Nothing will ever be enough to repay you. America would not ever be the same without you.

Thank you.

A small side note: Tomorrow is the start of the 96th Tour de France - I can't wait! I wait all year long with anticipation of this great historical race, and now, it is here. I will write more on this tomorrow. Time to head to bed so I can wake up and watch with glued eyes.

- SJP

Delayed Post

2009-06-24T11:11:00.008-06:00

Wow - sorry for being MIA so long. I had every intention of posting the day after my last post, but I have been so caught up in reading that I just wasn't even sure where to start. My next post was going to be a follow up of sorts to the post on faith, but, as I previously mentioned, I got so caught up in my reading that I just wasn't sure how to articulate my writing on the subject. I have been doing a great deal of thinking/reading/reflection in the last few weeks, and I will post on this later - as it is very involving.

As far as life in general goes - things have been great. This past weekend Emily and I spent time on the White River about 30 miles outside of Meeker, CO with her family. We had a fantastic time! We did everything: lounge around, hammock time, fishing, cooking out, reading, talking, laughing... all in all an amazing weekend away from the city. I always enjoy spending time with Emily and her family - and I think they are growing more used to how I am as an individual. Those of you that already know me pretty well know what I am: an independent individual that spends much time reading, reflecting, writing, and thinking about life in general. It is never unusual for me to separate from the group and sit by myself with a book in hand - some people take offense to this, but the intention is far from that. Don't get me wrong, I love sitting around and talking with others, but sometimes I need to be alone to just think and dwell on the various topics in my head. There is much to be gained in life via interacting with others - but there is also much to be gained by taking the time to analyze and reason on the various aspects of life that impact us and make us who we are - alone.

I'm certainly not going to tell someone how to live their life, what they should believe, what they should do with their time, or what kinds of things they should be interested in; but, I certainly want to stress to all those who are willing to listen, just how important solo time is to the health and growth of the individual. It is not only a matter of figuring out who one is - but figuring out why one is, and the reasons for such.

Live. Think. Learn.

- SJP

Faith: Irrational Thoughts

2009-05-27T23:21:00.024-06:00

The following will mainly be excerpts from reading I have done as of late - I will expand more on this subject tomorrow.

The following is taken from Guy P. Harrison's 50 Reasons People Give for Believing In A God:

Many believers are not shy about declaring that they "know" their god is real simply because they believe it so strongly. According to them, faith means believing in a god even though there is no reason to believe in a god. It sounds silly when put like that but that's what faith is. It is believing without reason. Despite the hype, this is not a very good justification for believing in a god or anything else...
Shouldn't every person who defends faith as a legitimate reason to conclude that their god is real also respect faith when it comes to the existence of thousands of other gods? What's the difference? But if one can have faith in the existence of just about anything, then faith would seem to be of no value at all for getting to the truth...
Most believers recognize how intellectually feeble faith is when they see it applied to anything other than their god...

Such as fairies, the gods of Greece and Rome, etc. Hell, when I was a child I probably had a little faith that there really was a place where the wild things were... we all know this to be false now that we are grown. For many, however, the faith remains the same - many just apply it to greater stories now.

In his book, Losing Faith in Faith, Dan Barker (a former Christian preacher) writes:

If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits. It is intellectual bankruptcy. With faith, you don't have to put any work into proving your case. You can "just believe."

Truth does not have to be believed. Scientists do not join hands every Sunday, singing, "Yes, Gravity is real! I will have faith! I believe in my heart that what goes up must come down, down, down. Amen!" If they did, we would think they were insecure about it.

Harrison continues and writes:

Faith cannot be argued away if a believer will not first consider its underlying weakness. Faith is unlikely to be defeated by an essay, a book, or a debate...faith is best eroded from within. Scientific facts and reasoned arguments from outside sources can help, of course, but the real battle is fought in the heart of the believer. They must decide to let go of faith all by themselves. Nobody can do it for them.

The examination of faith must come from within. You shouldn't believe in something simply because someone has told you it is so. You should examine the facts for yourself, think rationally, draw your own conclusion using the information at hand and have your own reason for your own belief. I'm certainly not telling you what you should believe... and hope that you don't allow others to do the same.

SJP

Told You I Would Be Back: Duct Tape

2009-05-26T23:29:00.004-06:00

Duct Tape - the doctor actually wrapped my knee up with duct tape and bailing wire... said I was "good to go."

Ok, so that really didn't happen - but damn if feels good to be a gangsta. In all seriousness though, I had a great post-op visit with my doctor this morning. He was extremely impressed with how much I have reduced the swelling since surgery and glad that today I was currently experiencing less pain that I had prior to the operation. We reviewed pictures from surgery and went over future options and plans for recovery, care, and long term development of my joint. Long story short - it's a good thing I am a huge cyclist because according to him, running and skiing and doing the twist are out of my immediate future and probably long term future as well. I'm actually not bummed about that one bit... I mean, sure, I love running - I used to go on 30 minute jogs as a cool down from cycling workouts, but I can live without doing that for now. He did a great job of explaining what was going on with my knee and why doing said activities would cause me problems in the long term. I can't play golf either (twisting motion) but putt-putt is A-OKAY. That's for the best though - I have a great short game!

Today was my first day back at the office, too. It went fine for the most part, though I did start having pain from walking around the office so much and sitting upright for such a long period of time. It was good to get caught up on emails though! I'm lucky I work for such a great company and boss that is willing to allow me time off in this economy to take care of my health needs - very cool!

Aside from the above - not a whole lot else went on in my world today. I'm sure I could sit here and come up with loads of excess boring material, but I'll spare you all - but just this once. I'm actually pretty worn out and since I just finished reading (and now writing) I think I'll attempt to go to sleep.

Speaking of reading - I spent time reading on the subject of faith today. Quite the interesting read. The author did an excellent job of differentiating between religious faith and what I will call reasoned faith.

In my words, religious faith is belief without reason. Whereas, reasoned faith is, well, belief based on rational though.

Example: I have faith the sun will be visible tomorrow. This is reasoned faith because hard evidence shows that the sun will indeed be visible tomorrow.

John Doe has faith that god will watch over him while he sleeps. This is religious faith because John can not provide hard evidence that this will indeed occur or has occurred in the past. This claim is actually no different than some small tribes around the world that believe fairies fly through the forrest at night (yes there are villages that believe this). They have faith that these fairies fly through their village at times and can be seen in the trees - though fairy footprints or fossils/bodies have never been found to support this claim.

Note: I use the term "god" as written, because I am not singling out any one religion. I am targeting any and all religions that demonstrate faith in a god or gods.

Which brings me to my final "teaser" point. "Teaser" because this will be my subject for tomorrow. I find it odd and intriguing that each religion that demonstrates faith in their god(s) feel as if their faith is different than the faith of other religions, and therefore correct. Think about this for a moment... rationally of course!

Until tomorrow,

SJP

Playing Catch Up: Religions of Man

2009-05-25T22:31:00.003-06:00

Wow. I often come back to this blog and remind myself I need to write - I have tons to write about yet I never take the time to do it. I don't think it is a result of being lazy; rather, I believe I just get caught up in other aspects of life (read as: tv, books, girlfriend, cycling).

So much has been going on since the start of the year, I don't even know where to begin. Work has been going great. I am constantly learning and growing my business - my co-workers are phenomenal people and they have each taught me something of value about the business...I couldn't have survived this long without them. Emily and I are doing well, though we are missing our dog, Jackson, who recently went to Mississippi to spend about 3 months in training. The little guy is so funny and Emily and I are constantly reminding each other of funny things he has done in the past. He's such a smart dog and we are excited for him to come back and show us what he has learned. Speaking of him going to training - I drove him down from Denver and in doing so was able to catch up with some old friends from back home and see my brother! It was a pretty quick trip, but extremely awesome to get a chance to see some people and have some face time.

As of recently, I have had more knee surgery... everything went really well though. I actually head back to the doctor tomorrow for my first post op visit. This was the same knee as last July, but this surgery was just to go in a clean up the joint - I was having some pain and issues with certain actions. Cycling has been going pretty well, but the knee issue was hampering my progress so I knew it was something that needed to be dealt with. I was really coming into form prior to surgery and am hoping that I can get back to the level I was at before surgery ASAP. My climbing form was really developing strongly and I was growing excited as to the possibilities in performance. I've been climbing like an animal lately and even turned in some pretty incredible times on a particular mountain out here - the record is currently held by a pro cyclist; however, I feel that when I am at 100% I could really challenge his time.

Almost forgot - Emily and I moved in with each other! We live in a great 4 story town home (3 living floors with a rooftop deck), and the deck has a phenomenal view of downtown Denver and the mountains.

I have been reading quite a bit lately. I have a weird relationship with reading... If it is a fictional book then I tend to read it slowly and sometimes it takes months for me to finish; yet, if it is a non-fiction book of which I have great interest in, I can finish it in a matter of days or weeks. I am currently fixated on the topic of religion, God, gods, theism, and anti-theism... there is so much information out there that it is mind blowing. It's a long story as to why I am currently on this subject, but I am enjoying the journey and am letting it take me to where ever the facts and my own sense of reason and rational thought might lead me. I don't care what other people believe in - you could think the world was created by a giant spaghetti monster for all I care - I just want to be able to have substantial and factual reasons for why I end up believing whatever I may, and I want to reach this via rational means. This subject will eventually become it's own series of blog posts here - I feel certain of this.

This reminds me... go rent, or download, the movie "Jesus Camp." It is a MUST see documentary. I find it morally disturbing yet captivating. Watch it with an open mind.

That is all for now... more to come. Really there is, I swear. I will use this to discuss more openly some of the texts I have been reading and some of the thoughts that in doing so have been ignited. I will leave you with this thought:

Today, we always hear people speak of how violent Islam is (even the non-extremism), but I challenge you that Christianity is no different. Even as Islam claims that Allah commands them to kill the non-believers and to punish those who seek to lure them away from Allah, so to does Christianity - I bet a lot of church going folk didn't even realize this.

Where is my proof, you say? In the Bible:

Deuteronomy 13:6-11 (New Living Translation)

⁶ “Suppose someone secretly entices you—even your brother, your son or daughter, your beloved wife, or your closest friend—and says, ‘Let us go worship other gods’—gods that neither you nor your ancestors have known. ⁷They might suggest that you worship the gods of peoples who live nearby or who come from the ends of the earth. ⁸But do not give in or listen. Have no pity, and do not spare or protect them. ⁹ You must put them to death! Strike the first blow yourself, and then all the people must join in. ¹⁰ Stone the guilty ones to death because they have tried to draw you away from the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of slavery. ¹¹ Then all Israel will hear about it and be afraid, and no one will act so wickedly again"

Think... but do so rationally.

I hope this finds everyone doing well! I apologize again for the long delay in posting. This will surely be updated more often - especially since so much is happening in my life currently that I want to share with others... including this very interesting journey into the history of the religions of man.

Talk soon,

SJP

EDIT: I strongly encourage comments. Let me know if you like or dislike what I'm saying - and why. Engage with the written material! I'm not going to complain if you simply want to read though... I can tell people are reading this via my site visit counter, so please take the time to comment and say hello. I like to know if my material is enjoyed or annoyed!

Thanks again!

Overdue

2008-12-10T11:00:00.005-07:00

This post is long overdue - apologies to all.

Don't you wish life could be as simple as fish swimming round in a barrel when you've got the gun?

I've been quite busy as of late - and am currently writing this from my hotel room in Houston, TX where I have been since the first of the month for work. Speaking of work, it has been going great. I appreciate the messages and encouragement from some of you in regards to this aspect of my life. I absolutely love going to work daily and trying to learn something new about the business I have found myself in. Never would I have imagined that at the age of 26 I would find myself where I am today - of this I am thankful.

My "training" period is practically over - even though I realize that I never stop learning. I am hopeful that I will be asked to help design a training program for the next individual that is hired into my area of the business - I have quickly realized what will work and not work.

The other areas of my life are all going well too. Friends stay in touch. Family is doing great. The girlfriend is still putting up with my shenanigans. My new dog is a constant comedy. All in all I can't complain.

Well, I need to head back to the office to get some work done. I am also working on quite a few lengthy posts that will be coming soon. Lengthy is actually an understatement.

I still enjoy writing so look for some great reads soon!

Until then,

SJP

I Miss Him...

2008-09-18T12:34:00.003-06:00

Terribly.

DNC - Day 4

2008-08-29T07:18:00.006-06:00

DNC - Day 3 - Continued

2008-08-27T16:54:00.002-06:00

A preview to GOP victory in November.

DNC - Day 3

2008-08-27T12:44:00.010-06:00

Courtney Hazlett of MSNBC - she's so nice in person. Full of gossip.

On Bill...

2008-08-27T09:10:00.008-06:00

It is no secret whatsoever – Bill Clinton is an egotistical ex-president. Simple as that. What is not simple is the media obsession that seems to continue to surround this man. In the past week, two very important actions have taken place:
1. A former President from Arkansas that once cheated on his wife with an intern continued to be hailed as a great politician in all forms of media (though sometimes seen as “bitter”).
2. A former Senator from North Carolina that once cheated on his wife with a campaign staffer was sent to a back room, told to keep his mouth shut, and was dropped from all forms of media coverage.

I find that fairly odd.

It is a simple matter of fact that people tend to always be drawn towards an individual that sweats confidence and charisma – it is no secret that Bill Clinton does this. From his days of standing behind the speaker’s podium as the Governor of Arkansas to his two term Presidency – he has always been able to entice a crowd of believers. Actually – he has managed to do that even after leaving office…and almost on an even larger scale than ever before.

How the mighty have fallen…

In the past 12 months (maybe longer) President Clinton has turned a complete 180 degrees. He is bitter – but what exactly is he bitter about? At one point in time Clinton was the young, hip, popular, strength of the Democratic Party - but with years stacking up on him he has become the image of “what once was”. He was the name that rolled off of the tongues of millions world wide. Now, his wife is the main name of the family. The chants for “Hillary” have quickly replaced those for him. He continues to relish the light when his name is ever mentioned. He smiles because he remembers how it once was – then quickly remembers how it is now. Lately, Clinton has become bitter during interviews and media gatherings. If his name is not the topic of discussion he is quick to release a remark to stir controversy – bringing his name to the top…even if for a short amount of time. The past few weeks have shown a clear bit of evidence of this very point. Scratch that... just yesterday Bill Clinton supported my claim via statements and actions. So it seems, during this trying time for the Democratic Party to unite under one cause and one leader - Bill Clinton isn't able to swallow his pride and join his wife in supporting Senator Obama. Even if Senator Clinton does it in a round about way. The truth remains, Bill Clinton can't get over the fact that Senator Obama has replaced him as the image for the Party.

So what exactly can we expect from the former President Clinton during his speech this evening?

I honestly don't believe we will hear Clinton come out and talk about Senator Obama's leadership abilities. I have a very simple reason for this theory - his wife didn't even do it. Beyond that, I expect we will see the same Clinton that we have seen during this entire campaign season: A cocky, bitter, aging, ex-president.

I expect good ol' Bill to talk about his wife and his hatred of the GOP as he attempts to say something kind about the Obamas. Can Bill "I was a great President" Clinton succeed in this? We will know soon enough.

All I know is that I will be keeping a running tally of how many times he mentions his own Presidency.

DNC - Day 2 - Continued(2)

2008-08-26T19:46:00.004-06:00

DNC - Day 2 - Continued...

2008-08-26T18:33:00.004-06:00

A warning against the Police State... or so they say.

It is amazing to me the number of anti-establishment and conspiracy theorists that have flocked to this great city.

DNC - Day 2

2008-08-26T13:37:00.008-06:00

Guerrilla Theater blocks a portion of the 16th Street Mall as they attempt to show the general public what "occupation" feels like.

Members of the 9-11 Truth movement gathered downtown in an effort to bring about demand for another investigation into what they believe to have been an inside job.

More to come...

DNC - Day 1 Recap

2008-08-25T23:59:00.007-06:00

The start of the 2008 Democratic National Convention here in Denver Colorado was relatively quiet - for the most part. The early morning air was first pierced by the sound of police and military helicopters hovering throughout the city sky. As I left my condo-loft and began my walk to the office I made an attempt to take in as much detail as possible. The military presence was obvious as their "little birds" and blackhawks patrolled the city from above - ready for a quick reaction to anything. Though the police patrolled along side the military in the sky - their presence in the streets was undeniable.

Some made their rounds on horseback - some on foot. This wasn't very out of the norm for a city putting on a large event...except for the SUVs. The white, unmarked SUVs. The black, unmarked SUVs. All with blacked out windows. All with men harnessed and standing on platforms extending from the sides and rear of the vehicles. These men wore black urban combat uniforms and were decked out in body armor - some held automatic rifles while others held pepper pellet guns. Both were intimidating to everyone that laid eyes upon them. It was very clear that the city was prepared to take care of anything.

The police outnumbered the civilians on the street.

The majority of the morning remained calm. MSNBC setup their broadcast stage right outside of my home. They tend to draw a good number of people throughout the day - and seem to be the only sign of activity in the early part of the morning. As the morning progressed I could see an influx of people and activity while looking down from my office window - perched above the 16th Street Mall. As lunch time approached, more and more people began to move about the Mall. A few protesters marched with their signs and the Code Pink clan could easily be spotted from several blocks away.

Then came 1pm - it was as if everyone had agreed that this would be the time to come out. Signs began showing up everywhere, as did more people dressed in pink clothing. The numbers of police officers drastically increased... the day remained young.

After walking home for lunch I began my return to the office at 2pm. The city had transformed into organized chaos. Protesters could be seen all over the Mall. Police were doing their best to keep opposing groups under control. Helicopters hovered lower in an attempt to remind people that they are watching.

"This is mild compared to what we are expecting this week," one officer told me.

The police maintained control throughout the remainder of the day. There were clashes here and there - usually resulting in protesters being pepper sprayed, thrown to the ground and cuffed.

What tomorrow will bring remains to be seen.

Keep checking back for more recaps and photos - I will do my best to keep track of as much as possible.

You can also check out http://www.denverpost.com/ and http://www.rockymountainnews.com/ for up to date (though bias) information and news related to the DNC.

DNC - Day 1

2008-08-25T14:43:00.004-06:00

The Age of Enlightenment...

2008-08-18T10:52:00.008-06:00

is 26 for me. So far. I think.

A lot has happened in my twenty six years of walking around looking for my path in life. That being said, a lot has not yet happened within the span of those years. It seems, however, that this new age could quite possibly be my turning point - that's my theory for now at least.

For 13 of those 25 years I attended the same private school from K-12 with the majority of the same friends. With whom, only a minority of which are still in touch with one another. Life is funny like that. What I really enjoy is the ability to not see or talk to some of my friends for months on end - and being able to catch up with them at a moments notice. Life is funny like that also. I was your average student - mainly because I was more interested in sports than in academics. Friendships took priority over homework... I don't have homework anymore but I still have those friends - and some new ones too. My school was an extension of my family; as a result, I have multiple sets of brothers, sisters, and parents. We all have stayed in touch and are quite active in each others' lives to date.

Five of the remaining 12 years were spent being an awesome little kid.

The last seven years were spent in college and work. I attended 2 different places of study – where I met some of my best friends to date. We are now scattered all over this great nation in a variety of occupations. Financial advisors, med school, law school, lawyers, oil business, entrepreneurs, musicians; the list goes on and on. We do our best to stay in touch, but with such busy day to day lives this has become quite hard – still, we try. It is nice to be able to pick up the phone and hear about someone else’s life and happenings therein. Discussions of past adventures together almost always bring laughter to both sides of the phone. Some friends have vanished – moving and losing the contact info of everyone else – occasionally there is the surprising email waiting in the inbox from a long lost friend. Though they are few and far between – they are always worth the wait.

Currently I find myself in the job of a lifetime. Everything is going right for me – personally and professionally. It is such a breath of fresh air and I am so glad that I have finally found myself on this path in life. I truly hope those that read this (if anyone does) find themselves on that path as well. If not, do not lose hope – it is surely waiting right around the corner.

Since I always love hearing what is going on in the lives of others please feel free to leave a comment. You don’t have to say who you are or where you are from… just tell us what is going on in your life. Take a step back and look at it from the outside in. What do you still hope to achieve? What is stopping you – besides yourself?

Also, contact at least one long lost friend. Find out what is going on in their world. I assure you that it will make the day for both parties involved.

I’m only 26 and clearly not as enlightened as I will be next year.

Hoping someone finds a long lost friend… and waiting to hear about it.

SJP

I Am The Poster Child...

2008-08-14T12:33:00.019-06:00

For what can go wrong at the DMV. It truly amazes me the amount of incompetence that individuals, offices, and occupational sectors can demonstrate in one single day – in multiple states. My 4.5 hours at the Denver, CO DMV this morning fully demonstrated the extent of this incompetence. I honestly don’t even know where to begin so I will do my best to narrate in as short of a time frame as possible.

- Trip 1 - Time: o730
I arrive in plenty of time to find a good place in the ever growing line outside. At 0800 the doors open and in we walk. I am directed immediately to a window with a waiting representative parked at his station ready to assist me. We cover the basics and then he asks to see my out of state Driver's License. He begins to review the small, simple, plastic card that for some reason commands more authority in these United States than some 3rd world ruling parties. Suddenly, he looks up, his face turning almost to stone - as if he is used to prepping this image before revealing bad news...day in and out. "Mr. Cole," he says. "I'm afraid I can't accept this DL as a viable form of ID due to the fact that it only contains your middle initial and not your full," he speaks sternly. With little worry and zero hesitation I reply, "Oh that's right - here is my Weapons Permit from my home state, I forgot that my DL only had my initial, this ID has my full name." His face doesn't change. He quickly responds, "I can not accept this."

This is confusing to me for a very simple reason. You see, I had phoned the DMV the previous week about this very scenario - whereby I was informed that it would not be a problem since my photo was on my state issued Weapons Permit and as a result would be accepted as a form of ID in place of my DL.

Clearly my informant was poorly mistaken. Only, I was the one to suffer in his error.

After arguing and throwing in a few legal terms I tucked my pride deep into my pockets and left - headed for my condo to fetch my passport.

-Trip 2- Time: 0915
I return... with passport in hand and high spirits to boot. I am quickly directed to my original window where I wait patiently for the person in front of me to finish. Instead of my stone faced greeter from my previous trip I am met by a kind, slight spoken woman.

Doris is simple in her appearance - deceptive. She would more easily fit in as a greeter of an art gallery than a DMV worker. Her voice his quite kind as she welcomes me and we begin what should be a brief encounter.

I go through the very motions I had been through previously - only this time I am quick to hand over my Passport...as it has my full name. Everything seems to be going smoothly as Doris and I jokingly discuss my incident from earlier in the morning. Suddenly, her face loses color - I sense something is not right. "Umm...Mr. Cole," she nervously inflects her voice as if she herself is not sure of my coming reaction. "It seems there is a problem," she continues. "What KIND of problem?" I quickly respond. She seems to gather herself before continuing, "Well, there is a red flag by your name on the national database and it is instructing me to hold your process," she responds.

I am shocked - once again. What else could go wrong?

Doris provides me with the phone number to a department in my home state so that I can inquire for more information. It is necessary that I resolve this issue since my license is due to expire in 3 more days while I am out of town.

I will now do my best to make a very long story short...

Back in April I had received a speeding ticket in North Dakota. I paid the fine for this ticket the very day I violated the speed limit. It seems however, that my home state did not "notice" this payment and instead believed that the State of North Dakota asked that my license be suspended - and so it was. After arguing on the phone with - speaking frankly - the idiots at the department in my home state... talking to the North Dakota State Patrol... talking with the Clerk of the Court of the District Court in the area of North Dakota that issued me my ticket... We reached the following conclusion.

Brace yourself.

It appears that a lady at the department in my home state failed to read the notice from the State of Dakota fully. Had she read the entire document (specifically the item at the bottom of the page in bold print), she would have read "Payment received: 04-10-2008. Conviction of violation issued: 04-14-2008." What does this all mean? It means that I paid my ticket. Simple as that.

So once again... someone made an error - and I am the one to suffer.

-Trip 3- Time: 1215
I return to the DMV and stand in front of Doris' window. She re-greets me with her simple smile. Processes my info. Finally, I leave with my temporary paper ticket. My true DL for my current state should arrive in the mail soon.

This, my friends, is how I spent my day at the Colorado DMV.

Patiently waiting for a phone call telling me that something else is wrong with this situation.

SJP

My Best Friend...

2008-08-11T12:07:00.022-06:00

has a disease that will most likely take his life. I am heartbroken over this fact. How much time he has remaining in this world is uncertain. Thankfully he has not shown symptoms of advanced problems from his Auto Immune Disorder. The meningitis has not resulted in any seizures. He is scared, however. He does not sleep well. He has been in pain. He is extremely anxious and his eyes tell of the fact that he does not understand what is happening to him. His body is unable to keep up with his energy level. He is always wanting to go at 100% but his body can only make it to 80% before his legs simply stop working and he falls. This is so very frustrating for him - he turns five on September 1. He is my companion, he is my best friend.

His eyes show the love he has for those around him. He is sweet and kind to his very core. This situation feels like my heart is slowly being ripped from my chest. I feel so helpless - but nothing close to how he feels. I understand how his condition affects him. For him, however, he is confused beyond words - he simply woke up like this. My heart hurts for his confusion, his pain, his uncertainty and frustration.

In his five years he has taught me so much about life and friendship. He has shown me what the very definition of loyalty is - word for word.

When I think of Drake's illness I can't prevent the tears in my eyes. My heart hurts that I can't be there for him - to comfort him - to let him know that I am nearby. I pray that he can hear my voice at night. I pray that I can hear his. I pray that he has learned from me as much as I have learned from him.

I am devastated.

His disease is Granulomatous Meningoencephalitis (GME for short). It shows no mercy. He is on massive doses of steroids (Prednisone) for a minimum of 4 months to help control the swelling around his spinal cord. As a result of these large doses he is no longer able to control his bladder. This is very damaging to his overall mindset because he does not understand what is wrong. He is nervous and shows this with his pacing and inability to rest. At night he has been sitting up – staring into space with uncertainty. The doctors have attempted to help him rest by giving him meds at night. Now, he spends his nights and morning with a dazed/drugged look. His eyes droop with a glazed look of despair. His mind struggles to comprehend what has happened. His heart continues to pour out love.

My mind struggles to understand why this broken world has failed him so. My heart aches with an unconditional love for my dearest friend. I know what awaits him in these closing months… for the time being I am content that he does not.

Though the plan at hand is to continue this method of treatment for several months, the reality of the situation is that the majority of dogs diagnosed with this condition live from a range of 8 days to a few months post diagnosis.

I knew that this day would be upon him – but I was not expecting it for several more years. I was not prepared for this development. I am not prepared for his departure. I am not prepared to face any of this – and I will never overcome it all. I will never be the same because of him. I will never be the same without him.

He is loyal. He is smart. He is a loving companion. He is sincere. He is gorgeous. He is athletic. He is a hunter. He is a friend. He is my dog.

He always will be.

It is inevitable that all of us will eventually be spoken of in past tense. For most of us, our stories will be lengthy ones – full of fond memories.

I’m proud to say that my Drake’s story is pages longer than mine will likely ever be – and I will cherish his name and take it to my grave.

Friends come and go – loyalty lasts forever. For Drake and I… our loyalty to one another outshines the sun – and will outlast us both.

A Toast To Life...

2008-08-10T13:50:00.025-06:00

I love coffee. Seriously - the taste, the aroma, feeling the caffeine within my veins. I absolutely love making coffee and sitting down at my bar in my kitchen to drink, listen to music, catch up with a few friends...and write. What is it about the java that causes someone to do, or want to do, these things? Coffee has long been associated with acts such as these - look to the French Revolution and the cafés that brought the people together. Look to today and your local espresso locations - where it still does the same. There is simply nothing better than having a nice cup of the stuff, sitting outside on an early morning and just taking in the start of a new day.

So if coffee is good for bringing us together for debate. Is good for the mind. Is good for creativity. Then what is it that is good for the soul?

Simple.

Wine.

I could go on and on for days about wine, its history, the story it has to tell. There are far too many countries, regions, areas, villages, and vineyards for me to cover in one post - or even in a post a day for a year. Rather than bore you with facts and stories that could fill a wine glass every year for the rest of your life - I will do my best to keep it limited... for now.

Wine is simple. Wine is complex. Wine was there when wars began. Wine was there when wars were won. Wine was there yesterday. Wine will be there tomorrow. Wine is the blood of life - or so they say. It certainly adds life to the conversation... and love.

Maybe wine is love... is it? It certainly isn't hate. No one has ever cared to share wine with their enemies - well, except for those enemies you wish to keep closer than others. We all know how that saying goes.

I digress, however. Wine is good.

To have one of these - my life would be so much easier. Why? Everyday I could come home from work, walk downstairs, look on the computer to see which bottle would be best to drink on that day - and do so. Some day... some how... this will happen.

For some reason, a glass of wine (or two or three) really gets my mind going. I ponder a variety of topics; more so than I do throughout my regular day. So, for most of you that know me and how much I think during the day - that's a lot of wine induced thought. More often than not these topics cover a wide spectrum of subject matter: religion, faith, friends, family, love, life, books, music, writers, photos, yesterday, tomorrow, writing - the list goes on, but these are the most common of thoughts.

For the past several months I have really missed having the opportunity to share a glass of wine with friends while enjoying discussions on numerous topics. My good friend Richard and I had grown accustomed to moments such as these when the two of us lived in Jackson. It was quite refreshing to be able to meet up, open a bottle of good wine, and just talk. More often than not we focused on history and religion - probably due to my interest in history and his of the latter. We could talk for hours and never run out of subject matter, arguments, or wine. I have really missed this. I now live in Denver, he in Atlanta. Our contact has grown increasingly sparse over the months - the 15 minute phone calls have substituted our multi evening rants on life. We exchange the obvious "What's up?" and the details that always follow. We do our best to update each other with the latest information on our lives, work, education, family, love - but it just isn't the same. We both know this - this is simply the best we can do for now, however.

Richard and I have known one another for the better part of roughly 20 years. We grew up together. We played sports together. We went to school together. There was a period of time between when we graduated high school and when he moved back to Jackson in the Summer of 2007 that we lost touch. Thinking about it just now, it really was almost exactly six years that we lost touch. Sure we exchanged messages here and there. Found out what the other was doing through phone calls with mutual friends. It was strange though; because when we finally reunited it was as if we never missed a beat. I guess good friends really are good for life. It's nice to discover that these days. I look forward to the next time we can reunite, share a bottle of wine and most certainly a lengthy conversation.

Lately, I have been enjoying wine and conversation with a new friend. She has quickly become my best friend and someone I look forward to getting to know for the rest of my life. I have not known her for 20 years, but our instant connection causes me to feel as if I have known her for quite some time. She is thoughtful in her intellect. She is captivating with her voice, eyes, and smile. She is one of the most selfless people I have likely ever met - and ever will meet. She appears to be very passionate about the work she does and the people in her life. She has traits that you simply don't find all bundled up in one person anymore. I always look forward to spending time with her. Her personality is of the sort that she manages to always bring the best out of me. It does not matter how hard of a day I have had, what sadness bad news may bring - she always makes everything better.

Take the time to not only enjoy a glass of good wine - enjoy those around you as well.

Cheers!

SJP

Putting It All In...

2008-08-08T12:10:00.016-06:00

per·spec·tive
[per-spek-tiv]
–noun

1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface.
2. a picture employing this technique, esp. one in which it is prominent: an architect's perspective of a house.
3. a visible scene, esp. one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate.
4. the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevations look all right, but the building's composition is a failure in perspective.
5. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.
6. the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship: Your data is admirably detailed but it lacks perspective.
7. a mental view or prospect: the dismal perspective of terminally ill patients. –adjective
8. of or pertaining to the art of perspective, or represented according to its laws.
[Origin: 1350–1400; ME perspectīva (ars) optical (science), perspectīvum optical glass, n. uses of fem. and neut. of perspectīvus optical, equiv. to L perspect-, ptp. s. of perspicere to look at closely.]

If you have never taken the time to kick up your feet and stare out a window while you ponder not only life in general but that of yours... do it. Here lately I have found myself doing just that - and quite frequently. It is almost as if I can press rewind and review everything in my life that has led me to this point. Just last night I was telling my dear friend Emily (and amazing girlfriend) how crucial the simplest moments in our lives become.

Think about it.

Everything I have done in the near twenty six years of my life have all led me to this very moment - and you as well. Change one thing. Perform one task differently. Delay a decision by a week. Jump the gun and do something too soon. Should you elect to go back and change any one of those aspects of your history - this moment, in all likelihood, does not occur. Have I ever wanted to change something in my past? Of course. We all have and should acknowledge that fact. At certain points during my life I have regretted, deeply, certain decisions in my past. I do not share this same viewpoint anymore, however. I have realized how crucial everything in my past is in its contribution to not only today, but my tomorrow. The good. The bad. They are who I am today - they are who I will be tomorrow.

You are no different.

With all of the aforementioned content of this post in mind - I have never been as happy in life as I will be tomorrow. It seems that each day I awake a little happier than the day before. I have truly begun to appreciate all that inhabits my life: Job. Family. Day to day lifestyle. Friends. Girlfriend. I am so happy that there does not exist an adjective for me to list. _______ is what I feel. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I have never appreciated what life has given me, because I have. It is just that I have only recently put it into perspective.

Life is so simply complex that it must be enjoyed each and every day.

Take a moment. Sit back. Prop those feet up. Put your life in perspective... just make sure that you magnify the "happy" each and every day.

With feelings of bliss and a smile to prove it.

- SJP